


Run Run Rebel

by Malmaratus



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Assassin Harukawa Maki, Background K1-B0/Saihara Shuichi, Based on NDRV3 Fabricated Past, Canon-Typical Violence, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Guardian Angel Akamatsu Kaede, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:59:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23842630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malmaratus/pseuds/Malmaratus
Summary: There truly is no such thing as luck. Not to her. Things happen and they are bad, good, or something in between. Sometimes, things can be both bad and good. Sometimes, they can be nothing.So what should she consider this girl, who claims to be her guardian angel, to be?
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Harukawa Maki, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> fic based on the song [Run Run Rebel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9tkCquRCkg) by Hidden Citizens

[[Clair de Lune](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVmwLJeeOy4)]

Maki Harukawa does not factor things like luck into her life. She is not lucky or unlucky－neither truly exists. Some might coo and coddle her, saying how unlucky it was to be chosen by the Holy Salvation Society－to be chosen to become an assassin. Though, could it not also be said she is lucky for being the one to protect her orphanage, of all the children there? 

As such, there truly is no such thing as luck. Not to her. Things happen and they are bad, good, or something in between. Sometimes, things can be both bad and good. Sometimes, they can be nothing. She has learned that approaching things as if they are nothing is the best way to do it.

Becoming an assassin, particularly against one’s will, is something most would perceive as bad. But, approaching any situation as if it is inherently bad leaves one desiring better. One might ache and groan and long for their old life in such a situation, corrupting the heart and leaving one empty and wishing for impossibilities. If one were to approach something as innately good, they end up finding themselves crestfallen at what they are given. To think something is good without knowing is to hope, and to have one’s hope broken leaves one empty and depressed.

So Maki endures. She endures beating after beating, and always gets up afterward. She often finds herself coughing up her meager breakfast, but only wipes her lips with the back of her hand and moves on. There is nothing to hope for and nothing to despair over. This is her life. And she will live it for those that she cares for. For the children waiting for her back at the orphanage, always under constant threat if Maki were to fall and refuse to get back up. For the woman she could never admit had always been like a mother to her, now lost without the elder child’s help and care over the young.

But that does not mean it is not difficult. The bottoms of her feet are calloused, torn, and bruised, aching for the treatment of at least a warm bath. Her legs buckle beneath her as if tied together by a string between her knees that only tugs tighter with each movement. Her hips and sides are bruised and dirtied from various kicks and hard falls to the ground, making her ribcage rattle with each breath. Her lungs are not in much better shape, shots of pain darting throughout her body at the slightest breath. From her shoulders all the way known to her knuckles, she is bloodied, and every movement stings like nothing else.

No one said it was going to be easy. And Maki, all things considered, might have given up.

It was not like she was not strong. She was, is, and will always be. It just was that, at that moment, she was not strong enough. She was nothing more than a child. Of course, the association had picked her for a reason; she knew suffering and knew how to adapt to it. But there is something different about having lives taken from you, and taking lives yourself.

Being trained to do so was straining on her soul, and Maki did not have much left to stretch out. She had cut herself into tiny bits, giving pieces of herself to her parents, the children of the orphanage, laying them down in her sparring grounds and grinding them into the dirt with the heel of her shoe. She had only one little piece left, and it was stretching thin. 

But someone, somehow, always looks out for her. When she is curled up on her side, in the pitch black of her living quarters, eyes aching for tears that will not come, she hears sounds. She never told anyone, for fear of being written off as manic, and who knows what they would have done with her with that kind of conclusion. 

But she hears them. She hears, in those moments, the gentle tinkling of piano notes, ringing in her ears, leaving her speechless. She hears soft humming that accompanies the piece, half-words sung out of tune and then, almost embarrassed, cut off. In those moments, when there is nothing around her but song after song, she feels the pain seep from her body. She feels almost at ease as if time slows and she has been permitted to sit in on a recital that goes until the end of time. 

And she hears it now. It reverberates in the large, domed theatre, as she dances and twirls around what is supposed to be her second assignment. The piano in the middle of the stage sings a slow, melodious song as her poisoned blade arcs gracefully through the air and across the man’s chest.

The man struggles to speak, gasping for air he does not have. She begins preparing her tools to rid the theatre of the body before the scent sinks in. She tucks him into a large bag as his convulsing begins to slow to a stop. She feels like vomiting. 

But this is her life. She will kill to a medley of her woes, for if she does not, she knows the consequences. Something loud scrapes behind her and Maki turns, blade at the ready for whoever she must clean up.

There stands a girl, cheeks flushed pink, and tears rolling down her face and dripping from her chin to the hardwood stage, stool overturned just behind her. Maki swears her hair is made of gold, the way it shines, and the white and pink dress that sits just above her knees, sleeveless and tied against the back of her neck, ripples like water as she turns to Maki. Large, ruffled wings frame her body in white, and she furiously wipes at her eyes to rid herself of her tears.

This is her life.

* * *

I: [The Name of Life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImPM5IDIYPs)

Maki stares in awe at the girl in front of her. She is not rushing to a phone to report her, nor running to preserve herself. She stands idly in front of her, pawing at her eyes like there is nothing else in the world she has to attend to. Maki stands, watching the girl cautiously as if she could bolt at any moment, but it does not look like she will. She is consumed by her own sorrow, over what, she has no idea. Perhaps she knew the man Maki had just taken out. Perhaps she is only in shock, unmoving as her body will not let her.

The girl finishes wiping her tears haphazardly, eyes ringed in red and puffy. She meets Maki's gaze and startles, looking around herself as if she is uncertain about who Maki would be looking at. She is the only other one in the room.

"You're not… looking at me, are you?" She speaks with uncertainty, nervous, purple eyes darting side to side.

Maki frowns, "Who else would I be looking at?"

There are a million other questions on the tip of her tongue. Why this girl is here, what she was doing, what is her plan now that she has witnessed a murder… But she does not get the chance to ask any of them. The girl starts shaking, taking hesitant steps towards her.

"You can see me…? And you can… hear me?"

Her wings flutter and Maki belatedly realizes that is not something humans are supposed to have. The girl rushes to her and Maki is seized with panic as the other's arms are suddenly around her neck, a sniffling nose pressed to her shoulder. Her instincts kick in fast as she stomps the girl's foot and pushes her off herself, knife slicing clean through her neck.

The girl's head refuses to separate from her body, the knife going clean through and leaving nothing in its wake. The girl tilts her head, eyebrows drawn close as her lips quiver.

"I'm so sorry Maki…"

Maki sucks in a sharp breath, "How do you know my name?"

"Maki…" the girl clasps her hands together, "I am your guardian angel."

She is tempted to laugh at that. What does having a guardian angel imply, exactly? That there is a heaven and hell? That there is someone out there looking down on her, letting her life be ruined? That everything that has happened to her was meant to happen?

"Uh huh."

The girl sighs, burrowing her hands into her hair and rapidly scratching at her scalp for what could not be more than a moment, though thoroughly ruining her groomed hair. She mumbles to herself something mostly incoherent, looking as if she is deep in thought.

"...See this is why you're not supposed to be able to see me… no human has met their guardian angel before… doesn't make sense… how am I supposed to prove…?"

Maki huffs; she has to get going. She bends to pick up the bag, scuffing any shoe prints she has left at the scene. She walks as quietly as possible, leaving the girl behind her. It is not like she did not necessarily believe her. She literally could not hurt her and she has wings sprouting from her back. But it is a ridiculous notion and there is no way she can accept it with as little information as she has. Besides, hallucinations are not entirely out of the question either. 

“Ah, wait up!" 

Maki weaves herself through back alleys and roads, shouldering the bag and ditching it once she is able to return to base. The girl trails behind her like a ghost, oddly familiar with the hallways she has to navigate. It is cold, though it is not like it is ever warm, but the girl almost seems to radiate heat. It makes her wonder back to the cold nights she spent vomiting her dinner, comforted by winded melodies, and a soft warmth emanating from the small of her back.

Maki’s room is colder, and she shuts the door in front of the girl, who timidly phases herself through it. Maki looks her over once, twice, three times. Every time she blinks, the girl still stands before her. She illuminates the room as the sole light source, allowing Maki to see wall to wall with only a slight haze around the edges. Maki flicks on the lights. The girl is still there.

Maki crosses her arms, “So how do I know you’re not a hallucination?”

The girl huffs indignantly and pinches her cheek, “Can a hallucination do this?”

Maki swipes at her hand, freeing her increasingly aching cheek, and steps back. “Hallucinations can affect any of the senses. The only thing you’ve proven to me is that I’m not dreaming.”

Her cheeks puff and she crosses her arms, beginning to think. Maki knows the other probably can not answer this question. It is never easy to distinguish reality from that which is not, and that would be something she would have to do herself. But it would not be totally out of question to have begun simply with auditory hallucinations through the stress of her training, to then stack up into visionary as well, perhaps from her first real assassination.

The girl seems to slump further and further, determined not to give up, but coming to terms with the fact that it is, in fact, quite difficult to prove reality. She begins pacing in slow circles, fingers to her lips in thought. She suddenly perks up, turning to Maki, “I know! How about I tell you something about yourself that even _you_ don’t know!”

“A hallucination comes from the deepest recesses of the brain. I can’t imagine you know something my brain doesn’t, even if it’s not a conscious thought,” Maki frowns.

“Well, what about this?” The other’s wings flutter and embrace herself, and she runs her hands along the sides briefly before picking a feather in the midst and swiftly plucking it out. She winces before she hands it to Maki, gently smoothing over feathers that rose in the process. “You are now holding something _physical_ and _real_ , though it supposedly came from a hallucination! You can go talk to other people if you’re unconvinced, but that feather is real now that it is detached from my body.”

Maki narrows her eyes, “What exactly does that mean, ‘real’?”

The girl shuffles, “Well not to put another notch in your hallucination theory but I’m not real－not to other people. No one else can see me, touch me, hear me, smell me. To them, I do not exist. I exist solely for you.” She gently flushes pink, “Though, you’re not really supposed to see me either…”

“Why am I not supposed to see you if you’re supposedly my guardian angel?”

“Well, it’s not really supposed to work like a two-way street y’know. I do my best to assist you, keep you healthy, happy, etcetera etcetera. But you’re really only supposed to accept that as miracles. Like suddenly feeling better after a long night of feverish sickness! Or finding warmth in the dead cold of a tundra, or cuts healing over smoothly without infection…”

“And I’m never even supposed to know you exist?” Something about that bothers Maki greatly. She pins it on the fact that she does not like being in debt to anyone. She has interacted enough with others of the association to know that being in debt to others is never beneficial. Being called for ‘favors’ can never end well and have their own brand of inconvenience and, often, horror. And she is greatly in debt to this girl.

Though, if she is truly just a hallucination, she owes her nothing. Maki twirls the feather between her fingers. Things would be much easier if she were just a hallucination, though Maki cannot exactly say the idea of having a guardian watching over her is not an unpleasant thought. Living the life she does, it only makes sense that something like that would be a comfort, if a small one, to someone who toes the line of death every moment of their life.

“Nope!” comes her oddly positive reply, as she beams at Maki. “We’re like miracle workers, we go without thanks, and yet what we do is so rewarding in itself, it…”

She drifts off there, almost like the words she spoke left a bad taste in her mouth. She hesitates with each breath, glancing at Maki every once in a while. Her brows pull together. “If I’m to be completely honest… I’m actually really glad you can see me because I feel like… I can only do so much."

Maki turns her head, “Please, you’ve done enough. I don’t need anyone stalking me around anymore, learning personal details about me and racking up debt for all the times you’ve supposedly saved me.”

The girl looks stricken.

“I don’t need help, and I never will. I get by on my own, and that’s that. I don’t need to be in any greater debt to you.” Maki closes her eyes, arms crossed and body turned from the girl.

First, it is a huff of breath. Then a slight giggle. Then the other is laughing, loud and boisterous, as if there is no one else but herself to hear. Maki’s eyes startle open as she watches the girl double over, clutching her chest as if Maki has said the funniest thing anyone has ever said to her. She wheezes for breath she does not have, face red with exertion as she struggles to control herself.

“Debt, huh?” She chuckles once more, breathlessly. “Yes, Maki Harukawa, you are in debt to me! Normally, guardian angels don’t consider things like debt, but you’re absolutely right!” She smiles brightly at Maki, “You’re going to repay your debt to me right? You’ll do what I ask because I helped you all these years, riiight?”

Maki’s eyes narrow, “I’ll always repay a debt.”

“Good!” the girl bounces on her heels, holding her hand out to Maki, “My name’s Kaede Akamatsu, your guardian angel!” Maki hesitantly takes her hand, and Kaede vigorously shakes their hands, a twinkle in her eyes, “Let's get started then, shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! you can find me on tumblr [@malmaratus](https://malmaratus.tumblr.com/)


	2. Chapter 2

[II: Nocturne](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqpPRj6UZqc)

Kaede details three separate instances which put Maki in significant debt, meaning three different favors. Kaede could not exactly prove the instances had happened, but Maki was willing to accept they did. She could vaguely remember the times she spoke of and decided to humor her side of the story and how she supposedly “saved” Maki.

It is only three favors. She can not imagine Kaede, of all people, would come up with terrible favors. What kind of favors could one do for an angel anyway? It is not like she had worldly desires, right? Angels do not seem like they are supposed to have those kinds of things. And Kaede… Maki knows she has only just met her but Kaede does not seem the type. Partially because of her guardian angel status, and partially because Kaede just seems… like she would not want anything. The way she carries herself seems to Maki like the kind of person who is fulfilled with the life she is living.

Maki sighs. She does not really know what to make of Kaede Akamatsu. She is sweet and kind, certainly, though she definitely seems to have something up her sleeve with these favors. She is playful and energetic but can become oddly somber, as she is now. She lays back against the wall of the barren room, thinking to herself in silence while Maki not so subtly, and not particularly consciously, stares at her. Her brows furrow in tandem with a slightly scrunched nose, and Maki worries she will have wrinkles before she is even… _What? Seventeen? How old is she anyway?_

She just shakes her head, undoing her pigtails so she can comb through her long, unruly hair. She tugs hard at bad snarls, ignoring the shot of pain that spreads against her scalp with each brush through. It is tough to work through all the hair she has, and just as she always does when she brushes her hair, she has half a thought to do it up in braids so it will not tangle as easily. There is also the consideration of just cutting it all off but… Maki likes it the way it is. So she will tear through any snarls she must.

“Okay! I have my first favor!”

Maki jumps, glare shooting to Kaede who is now standing, smiling as she walks over to Maki and plops down behind her. The other’s knees press gently to Maki’s back as she leans in close, stretching her arm in front of her for something. Maki turns her head farther in confusion, allowing Kaede to snatch the brush from her hand, and she goes to work kindly sifting through her hair.

“What are you-”

“My first favor is that you have to take care of yourself!” She can practically feel Kaede beaming from behind her. “Eat enough, drink enough, rest enough-”

Maki snorts, “What exactly is the point in eating more than I already do if it’s all going to come up anyway?”

Kaede just continues her work, pressing her hand to Maki’s scalp so she can tug out any hard snarls without injuring Maki. “You need food to survive, as it is. You’re often far worse off in your training and missions because you’re not well fed enough and going into strenuous activity without the energy to do so.” She speaks roughly, though there is no bite to her words, “and frankly, before you say anything, it’s affecting your sleep too. I know there’s a lot of factors to your poor sleep...” She pauses delicately, “but that’s one that can at least be addressed.”

Maki feels a chill run down her spine as the brush starts running clean through her hair, and Kaede just keeps brushing, and brushing, and brushing, the bristles of the brush pleasant and soft against her scalp. Kaede begins running her other hand through her hair as well, smooth fingernails lighting tugging through the small hairs at the base of her scalp and making Maki shiver. It has been a long time since she has been doted on in such a basic way. She has always had to brush her own hair. If she did not, she would be the one dealing with the rat’s nest the next morning. 

She feels as Kaede begins to separate her hair into three groups, working slowly and gently as she runs one grouping over another, lighting tugging them taut. The feeling is pleasant, and Maki just is not used to feeling that. Warmth bubbles in the pit of her stomach and Maki has to pinch herself just to keep herself in line.

“That’s it?”

Kaede hums, “Mhm!”

“Why?”

Kaede pauses in her braiding, seemingly taking a slow breath. The feeling in Maki’s stomach fades with each second that ticks by as she waits for her response. It takes achingly long. “What do you mean? You’re doing me a favor by taking care of yourself. As your guardian angel, it just means less work for me,” Kaede huffs. 

Seemingly satisfied with her own answer, Kaede gets back to work, humming a faint tune in the back of her throat. There is something definitely familiar about it－maybe she had heard it when Kaede had played for her previously? _Assuming those past ‘hallucinations’ of music were her._ Maki tries to be patient as Kaede gets lower and lower in the braiding process, but the silence that stretches between them is killing Maki. She has never really hated silence before. When it came to other people, if they would not shut up, usually Maki would shut them up. But Maki feels weird here; it feels like talking should be happening but it is not.

Maki clears her throat. “So you’re a guardian angel. How old are you?”

“How rude to ask my age,” Kaede snorts. “I’m just as old as you.”

“We’re the same age?”

Kaede hums, “Right down to the millisecond.”

Maki tilts her head, “What exactly does that imply?”

“When you were born, I was created at the exact same time. Every person has a guardian angel that is created when they are born,” Kaede gently begins to tie the end of the braid. “As such, we grow alongside you and slowly learn how to help you in the small, or sometimes big, ways we can. I’ve essentially been your imaginary friend, or maybe you have been mine, for our entire lives.” 

“So then…” Maki turns to Kaede until they are knee to knee. “Does that mean you die with me as well?”

Kaede smiles a small, private smile. She seems to have expected the question from the way she tilts her head and raises a finger to her lips. Maki narrows her eyes, annoyed. Well, that is fine. If Kaede has decided she does not have to know, then she does not have to know. She can guess the answer to that question is yes if she is deciding _that_ is the question she has to dodge. 

_Whatever._ Maki rolls her eyes, getting up to start preparing her meager bedding. She had been able to purchase some blankets and a pillow over time, though they did not help much with the cold, hard floor. Kaede watches her with slight amusement, not getting up from the floor as Maki sets her blankets against the ground, flopping down on top of it and pushing her pillow under her head.

“Hmm…” Kaede giggles, “Eating enough includes dinner, you know~”

Maki sits up, glaring daggers through Kaede. Kaede only offers her a gentle smile, tilting her head towards the door. “I’m not hungry,” Maki grinds out, taking no amusement in Kaede’s own. Kaede only shrugs, humming quietly.

“You _will_ repay any debt, won’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! you can find me on tumblr [@malmaratus](https://malmaratus.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

III: [Who Is She?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHmqXUU4IVw)

Maki finds herself enraptured by Kaede Akamatsu. She follows wherever Maki goes, doing things like nudging her away from cracks in the sidewalk or alerting her to bikers coming up behind her. Maki can not say it is completely unappreciated, but at the current moment, she feels like she just needs some time to process, well, everything.

The moment she had woken up that morning, she had sensed Kaede’s presence and, mistaking her for an intruder, ran a foot straight through her head. Kaede only smiled apologetically, handing her the case file for her day. It makes no sense to Maki－how such a girl could be her guardian angel. She wonders how someone like her could even _have_ a guardian angel. _If she even is one,_ her mind unhelpfully tacks on.

And she does this every. Single. Day. She works incredibly hard every single day to make Maki’s life as easy and manageable as possible all whilst Maki spends her time stalking ordinary people to murder them when they find themselves alone. It should be considered despicable how someone like her could continue on living while these people die by her hands. It is despicable. 

But what else is Maki to do? She has people relying on her－ _children._ She can not very well leave them behind to be stolen by the association as well. She can not leave them behind because they have so much life ahead of them that they deserve to live. She can not leave them behind－they have done nothing to deserve whatever may come for them were she to stop doing her job.

But it is terrible, is it not? She takes one life to spare another, as if she alone can determine which life is more valuable. She lets blood drip from her hands, and her first thought is always how to rid herself of it so as to not get caught. She never thinks of the victim. She never thinks of the life they may have been leading before she cut them short. She never thinks of the family who she may be taking from, the orphans she may be creating, or the heartbreak she ensues. 

And how could she? If she were to think all these things of all her victims, she would in turn become victim to her own mind. She would be as good as dead, if not so. 

That does not, however, make it right. And Maki knows this－she knows that one day all her actions, everything she has done, will come back to bite her, hard. She does not think she will ever be ready for when that day comes, but it will. She knows it like she knows the knife in her hand, and the simplest of movements it takes to bring it down on her victim’s neck. She knows it like she knows the sorrow of Kaede’s gaze watching her as she cleans up the remains. She knows it like she knows how she will wake up again in the morning and repeat it all again.

It is all very… tiresome, she realizes. She finds herself losing sleep more and more, much to Kaede’s chagrin. She finds she can not erase the faces of her victims from her mind like she had been taught to. And she finds that she expected this all, as well. She knew, the moment she was taken away, she was resigning herself to this very life where her kill count goes up and up with everyday and her mind only serves to fall. 

“Maki!” 

Maki startles, dropping the blade in her hand as she turns to Kaede, who is frantically waving herself around behind Maki. The man in front of her slumps forward, blood beginning to pool around his body. Maki takes care not to slip.

“Have you been listening to me?” Kaede cocks her head, worrying her lip.

“No,” Maki grunts, squatting down to begin cleaning up the corpse. After a slight moment, she tacks on a “sorry.”

Kaede sighs, “You’ve been zoning out a lot.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you thinking about something in particular?”

“Not really.”

“Do you… just not want to talk about it?” Kaede neglects to make it sound like a question, as if she has already resigned herself to the idea that Maki would not.

Kaede sighs, running a hand through her hair. It has been like this for the past week or so. Maki will go out and do a job, start spacing out, return to base, eat, and then go to sleep. Kaede knew the training had hardened her to such a life, but Maki was, well, her age. This was not something easy to adjust to and Kaede did not want Maki pushing herself to her limits.

Kaede has seen what the stress of situations that do not even handle life and death can do to people. She has seen it just by following Maki around－Maki does not tend to notice, but Kaede does. She notices the way people carry themselves, those shy and those not, those overwhelmed and those not… She has seen people break down sitting on the side of the road, uncaring of those around them because they have lost everything, and can not bother to mind losing their dignity as well.

Kaede can tell when someone is breaking down. And she can tell Maki is, slowly but surely.

The harsh training she went through was hell on earth. She spent every single day vomiting up whatever she put in her stomach, being thrown to the ground and beaten if she did not get back up. She broke several bones, multiple of which were broken for the sole purpose of healing stronger. She had to fight as if she were to truly lose her life because if she did not, she just might－along with the lives of all the children at her orphanage.

But then to apply all that training to take the lives of others?

Kaede can see Maki’s being beginning to splinter. She can see every crack in her otherwise solid exterior, crumbling as more pieces fall away. It all started with her friend, who she learned had died saving another child. She had gone to see her once her training had ended, and when she had the news broken to her, she looked as if she had been punched in the stomach. She stilled, standing there for a few moments, and Kaede watched as she abruptly turned away, sending a streak of lightning up her body that blossomed out into splintering pieces.

Then, there was the embarrassment of her first ever real assignment. Kaede had watched on, humming a sad song under her breath as Maki was surrounded by people, all pushing closer to see her, get pictures with her, and with each click of the camera, Kaede watched as pieces fell from her. It only grew worse as she had to report back that she could not complete the mission. Kaede listened while Maki sobbed in her room, mumbling to herself incoherently.

Her second assignment ripped several pieces from her. Maki handled herself with ease, cleaned and bagged the body as if she had done it a million times before. Her exterior was hard, but she could see her falling apart bit by bit. Every touch of the cooling body, the grinding sound of the zipping going up, up, up along the body, covering it completely. Kaede wonders how long it will be until every single piece has been taken from her.

Maki never responds. They walk back to base solemnly, as Kaede begs herself to come up with something, anything to talk about. The further Maki slips into this routine of killing, the more she will lose herself. Kaede knows this, and knows she needs to bring some normality to her. _As if a guardian angel can bring normality, of all things,_ Kaede thinks bitterly. There really is only so much she can do. 

What, exactly, is Kaede supposed to do about this? She follows Maki as she returns to base, cleaning herself up briefly before rummaging around for food. She did not exactly have the money to go out and buy food, so she searched all around the base, gathering up what she could to satisfy Kaede’s favor. Kaede begins to hum a song as Maki returns to her room, and the girl shoots her a short glance before beginning on her dinner.

“Hey Maki…”

“Mh.”

“I think I have my second favor.”

Maki swallows thickly, “Already?”

“Yeah.”

“Spit it out, then.”

“You have to talk to me,” Kaede pauses pensively. “You have to tell me when something is wrong.”

Maki pauses, “What, exactly, is this favor for?”

“Well,” Kaede thinks for a moment. “I can pull strings if you’re feeling overwhelmed or-”

“So you want to put me in further debt.”

“No- I just…” Kaede frowns. “It makes my job easier if you tell me what’s wrong and so I can try to help.”

“And put me in further debt.”

“You don’t get to negotiate the favors!” Kaede sighs exasperatedly. “Let’s just say that with this favor, talking to me doesn’t add to your debt.”

Maki presses her lips together in a fine line. “Fine.” And then she is eating again. Kaede lets out a slow breath. “But I don’t get why talking to myself is going to help me.”

“I’m not-! Are you still on that?” Kaede huffs, “How many feathers do you want me to pluck?”

Maki grins slightly to herself, and Kaede lets herself settle down as Maki finishes her dinner. The girl settles down in her bedding, curling with her back to Kaede. Maki debates talking to Kaede now and puts it off. She feels fine. She is fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! you can find me on tumblr [@malmaratus](https://malmaratus.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

IV: [Für Elise](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyN_MnZ5qnA)

When they get back to base one day, there is a ticket waiting for her at the foot of her door. Apparently, the Society wants her to perform a string of assignments in the next city over, apparently because hunted people were escaping to that town to avoid the Society’s reach. Because their city is so big, those targets actually ran pretty far away; it made her wonder how they knew they were being tracked.

Maki is not too excited about the trip, but Kaede seems ecstatic. “Just imagine－you’ll be out of this stupid base for like, what-? A month? And they’re providing you with a hotel, which means you get to sleep on an _actual_ bed-!” Maki couldn't care less about any of that. It doesn’t much matter to her where she is or what kind of quality sleep she gets－her job is still the same.

She thinks about voicing as much to Kaede but decides against it. Kaede would probably look at her all sad and then that would make _Maki_ feel bad, and then what would she do? Those stupid sad eyes would be burned into her brain for practically the rest of her life (as if they aren’t already) and then she would think about it all the time and that was just… too much.

It is still the middle of the day since her job required her to be up at the crack of dawn for the day. Kaede idly suggests going out, getting something nice to eat, or something, but the last thing Maki really wants to do is go out. She is so tired. She would much rather sleep for the rest of the day than do anything else, really. The way Maki collapses onto her ‘bed’ tells Kaede everything she needs to know, though, and drops the subject. 

Maki tries to go to sleep, she really does, but every single little thing tries to stop her. 

First, it’s Kaede. Kaede begins softly humming some sort of song that Maki swears she’s heard before but can’t put a name to. She loosens Maki’s hair from her scrunchies, running her fingers through the messy hair and beginning to braid it. She keeps doing that, and Maki just cannot get used to it. She does it every time Maki is about to sleep, or if she passes out too quickly, while she is asleep. She only knows because she wakes up to braids and has to work her hair out of them.

Regardless, Kaede continues to do it, citing the fact that it keeps her hair untangled throughout the night. Maki doesn’t really get it though. Kaede has also cited the fact that Maki doesn’t move a whole lot in her sleep－so her hair really only gets tangled when she’s out doing her job. But she doesn’t ever tell her to stop. It’s nice, as much as it makes her skin crawl. She likes it, at least she thinks she does, even though every time she does it, she feels the immense need to pull away.

Then, once Kaede is done, it’s the base itself. Since it is the middle of the day, it is _loud_ outside. The walls were nowhere near thin, but the simple noise of daily life is filtering in from under her door and it’s frustratingly loud. Maki can feel sleep tugging at her, but every time, she’s startled back away by someone loudly cursing, or the loud clanking of something metal being dropped. Not to mention all the vents are whirring loudly and the lights incessantly buzz. It’s infuriating.

After that, it’s the lights. The lights stay on in the base all day, except when it reaches 9:00, in which all the lights switch to dim, and curfew forces people to quiet and they all go back to their rooms. Maki covers her face with her blanket, trying to block out as much of it as possible, but of course, it’s not terribly effective with such a thin blanket. And then, of course, her warm breath gets trapped beneath the folds of the blanket and she finds it hard to breathe.

Maki throws her blanket off with a groan, peeling her eyes open against the light directly above her. Kaede, sitting against the wall, looks to her, concerned. 

“Maki-”

A loud click resonates throughout the room, accompanied by the sound of the whirring fans slowing and lowering in pitch, and the sudden pitch black that greets Maki’s eyes as power completely shuts down. Her heart clenches with temporary panic, but instinct sets in after just a moment, surely helped by the fact that the pitch black only lasts for a moment and Kaede’s glow begins to illuminate the room.

Maki quickly gets to her feet, Kaede by her side in a moment. The sound outside her door has stilled, and Maki presses her ear to the door and strains to hear if anything is happening. There are slight whisperings, and Maki catches someone saying something about staying quiet.

Maki is certain there are really only three options as to why the power has gone out. One, the power actually went out and should be back on in a few moments, but because no one is certain, the need to stay silent is necessary, in case that is not the case. Such as in her second option, in that, the power was cut by higher-ups because the base is currently being investigated by outsiders and needs to seem abandoned, as it supposedly is. Or, three, outsiders themselves cut the power to catch the Society off guard and do a full raid on the compound.

Maki waits in quiet anticipation to figure out which of her options are right. She startles when Kaede grabs the back of her shirt and turns to said girl. Maki’s breath catches in her throat－Kaede’s eyes have gone white, and she is whispering something incredibly quietly. Maki hesitates for a moment. Her heart is in her throat and she can’t determine exactly why. 

Maki quickly shakes herself off and leans in impossibly close to Kaede, letting her breath fan out across her face (should she even have breath?). 

“No one… no one… no one… no one… there, wing w, there’s someone in wing w… wing r… wing h… south entrance…”

Maki’s heart seizes, “Police?”

Kaede winces, shutting her eyes tight and shaking her head before the normal purple greets her again. “Yes, they’re here.”

Maki completely passed over the million questions that arose at whatever Kaede just did and racked her brain to remember protocol in such a situation. As far as she could remember, it was practically every assassin for themself. The best thing to do would be to scatter out and try to be untraceable. The higher-ups were definitely already out of harm’s way since they had a way of knowing these sorts of things. Of course, protocol states to let as many people know of the code red as possible and as subtly as possible, but frankly, Maki could not get out of her room to warn anyone even if she wanted to. They only had electronic doors, and if she were to try and force hers open it would make a whole lot of noise.

So Maki grabs Kaede by the wrist and has her boost her up to the air vent. It is a risky path to take, but Maki knows how to be quiet, and Kaede can phase through things, so…

The vent is screwed in, and Maki struggles for a long time with it just to get the cover off. By the time she is in the vent, enough time has passed that she is certain the raid will have reached her wing. She can hear commanding voices through the vents, yelling and fighting and rounds of gunshots going off. Bile rises in Maki’s throat.

Time is moving imperceptibly slow. Maki doesn’t have the guts to move any faster than she is, even with the cover of other people’s talking. She is sweating through her clothes, and for the first time in a long, long time, she is actually worried she might die. Her jobs were dangerous, they always were, but this is really, _really_ bad.

Kaede’s hand suddenly catches around her ankle, and Maki has to force down any sound she might make as a bullet flies through the open vent in front of her. She can’t imagine the police are here just to kill on sight, that’s not exactly how police are supposed to work, but she is certain they’re not exactly going to hold back on a giant organization of assassins.

For once, Maki is glad she’s so small as the vent suddenly tightens in front of her. But the tight space isn’t doing her any favors, and her better judgment is being drowned out by her acute claustrophobia and the tensity of the situation. She is completely on her own. Her life is in her hands like it always is, and she’s trained to deal with situations like this, but all sense and reasoning no longer matters. Everything, _everything,_ is too tight and her heart tightens up with it, so loud she’s horrified those below her can hear how loud it’s beating.

Maki startles when she feels a hand on her cheek, and her eyes meet Kaede’s, who is suddenly in front of her in the vent. It looks like Kaede is going to say something, but she never does. Her eyes bore through Maki and it makes her shiver, and now her heart is tight for a different reason, beating hard for a different reason. She slowly gains the ability to breathe freely again. She’s not on her own. It’s hard to remember that.

Maki lets out a slow breath, resting her forehead against Kaede’s and letting her eyes fall closed. She’s so, _so_ tired. The noise beneath her is getting louder, And Maki figures now is her best chance to slip by. When she opens her eyes, Kaede is back behind her, and Maki keeps scooting herself forward, trying desperately to get over an open vent as quickly as possible. 

At the end, the vent has a gap that goes straight down. Maki wipes her sweaty hands on her shirt, scooching herself forward until her upper body is above the opening. She’s horrified to go face first, but she does not exactly have the space to rearrange herself. So she plants her hands on either side of the vent, and slowly lowers the rest of her body down, bit by tiny, _tiny_ bit. 

By the time the soles of her shoes are also pressed to the sides of the vent, her hands have become sweaty again. With a grimace, she wipes her hands one by one, trusting the girl floating above her tensely. 

_Trusting…?_

Maki sighs. _Yeah._

The bottom of the vent is blinded from her view, darkness creeping up the vent and reaching for her face. Maki glances up, and with a short shared look with Kaede, the other floats through Maki and takes herself to the bottom of the vent. Maki feels relief flood through her－the bottom’s not too far.

But the next little step she takes, the vent bends, and the sound outside the vent silences within a moment of the sound of the creaking metal. Maki’s heart stops. She looks at Kaede. Kaede looks just as horrified as Maki feels.

_Trust… If Kaede can touch her then surely she can catch her, right?_

Maki doesn’t give herself a second to consider the question. The last vent she passed is being forced open, so Maki falls. She pulls her arms and legs back into herself and falls.

That single fall takes her what feels like roughly a thousand years if she had to approximate. She is watching as Kaede slowly processes what she’s done, falling literally head-first toward the other. It takes a moment for the girl’s limbs to reach, stretching out for the other. Maki is certain she won’t catch her. It’s not like Kaede has trained to have such a quick reaction time like she has.

But Maki’s movement suddenly stops as warm arms wrap around her middle, and Kaede wheezes in relief. Maki barely gives herself a moment to process that _wow, she actually caught her_ －and wiggles herself into the vent at the bottom and heads quickly toward the opening to the outside.

“There are people out there－”

Maki shakes her head, turning herself around and kicking open the grate as hard as she can. She slips out as quickly as she can, which happens to not be as quick as she desired, particularly, but she’s out before the people outside can react. She knows dodging bullets isn’t really a real thing, but she certainly tries her best to weave around where she thinks they’re aiming for. The city is dense, so she heads straight for it, tripping over herself clumsily, and letting her legs carry herself as quickly as possible.

Just as she’s about to round a corner, a bullet nicks her in the shoulder, and Maki gasps out in pain, hand snatching the wound and trying to apply pressure as she continues to run, ignoring the panicked glances of the people around her. She lets her hair fall into her face to hopefully obscure her features, letting Kaede’s presence beside her guide her away from greater danger. Her lungs burn, but she knows she’ll be hurting a lot more if she lets herself get caught.

So, she doesn’t. 

She runs until she literally can’t. She feels like she’s looped the giant city three times before she makes herself scarce and lets herself collapse in an abandoned alleyway, wheezing and exhausted. Her hand is covered in blood, and it’s making her so dizzy she can barely keep herself upright. The last thing she sees is Kaede crouching down in front of her, arms reaching out to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gosh these end notes are just too impersonal  
> thank you so much for reading! it means a whole lot to me!! you can find me on tumblr [@malmaratus](https://malmaratus.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

V: [Murders](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaTX0pt3uyg)

Maki wakes up in the orphanage. It is warm, and her friend stands in front of her, leaning forward and grinning. Maki cannot remember her name, but she stands before her, and she knows who she is. She is wearing what Maki is wearing, and Maki realizes all she can see is her grinning mouth. She takes Maki by the hand and runs her around the orphanage, weaving through the bodies of the smaller children.

Maki is weaving through a mass of bodies, ones she has seen before.

They are in Maki’s bedroom, one that is not truly hers but that she shares with many of the other girls. The girl dives under the covers of Maki’s bed and sits there as a small lump beneath the sheets. Maki stands there, stricken, before pushing herself beneath the covers, and there it is. Her grinning mouth stares at her, and its opening and closing is forming shapes and words that Maki cannot hear over the pounding of piano keys deep in her ears.

The piano reverberates as her knife finds the throat of an innocent man.

She’s in the yard, rolling in mud, only certain of the scolding she will receive later for such play. The girl’s face is streaked in dirt, but she is smiling wide and happy, even as she spits some out of her mouth. The wind blows through her hair and makes Maki shiver. It is getting colder outside, and soon enough there will be hot cocoa and space heaters and huddling by the gas fireplace. Maki wants to learn how to make the hot cocoa, but she always forgets to ask.

Maki is learning how to set off a bomb, as she sticks it underneath a car.

The girl pours much, too much salt into their batter. Maki has to try to scoop some out with her hand, cringing as her fingers meet the cold batter. All the while, the other girl is laughing, laughing, at her as Maki tries to fix _her_ mistake. Maki shakes her head with a grin of her own, watching those lips move, and suck up a finger of batter. Maki feels like she should be saying something, like reprimanding her for eating the batter raw. She feels like she _is_ saying something.

She is crying, she can feel it, but she cannot hear herself as she curls up tighter and tighter.

And her body lays grinning up at her in the street.

And Maki watches, over and over again as she runs into the street, pushing the other kid out of the way. She watches as the car slams into her, then barrels over her, and drives on. And she meets Maki’s eyes. And she smiles. She dares to smile as a tear rolls down her face. A tear that Maki cannot trace back to an eye. She can only see her mouth and is certain she is staring at her. Like she could have done something, but grins ruefully to her inaction. Like she should have done something, but the girl knows she would not let Maki do such a thing, so she smiles at her.

And Maki tries. She tries over and over again, watching as her body lays grinning up at her in the street. She pushes herself back, back to before her body lays grinning up at her in the street. And she tries to pull her out of the street but has her hand slip from her grip, and her body lays grinning up at her in the street. So she pushes herself back, and Maki tries instead to grab her, but she phases out of her grip, and her body lays grinning up at her in the street. And Maki is crying, and crying, and crying, and curling up tighter, and tighter, and tighter, as her body lays grinning up at her in the street.

Men stare at her from across the street. They seem to whisper between themselves. The look on the body casually, as if this were just another day. One pulls out a cigarette.

It hurts. It hurts so bad it cannot be a dream. But she wakes up anyway and she is crying, curling up tighter and tighter. And there is a hand on her shoulder, and Maki is moving before she can even think about it, and she feels skin meet her hands as she pushes the intruder to the ground, slamming such soft skin against such rough ground. Kaede smiles sadly up at her and Maki sobs as her hand meets her cheek, wiping a tear from it. _She looks like her._

Maki quickly sits back, wiping furiously at her eyes.

“I think my favor works here.”

So Maki sits up. She startles when she remembers she passed out in an alleyway and takes a quick glance around to make sure nobody is there. As she sits, Kaede sits beside her and wraps a wing around her back, wrapping her in a sort of warmth that only makes her want to cry more. But she could not. Maki chooses not to speak on it. She chooses not to speak for a long time, and Kaede waits. She waits patiently, looking out upon the city.

“I haven’t had a nightmare like that in a long time.”

“I know.”

Maki sighs, “It was just about her.”

Kaede hums. Maki really does not know what else to say. Kaede has supposedly lived with her throughout her whole life. She should know what she is referring to. Maki does not want to detail it. 

Kaede lifts her face to the sky, “You know it’s not your fault, right?”

“I don’t need a pep talk.”

“That doesn’t actually answer my question.”

Kaede feels Maki’s eyes on her. Kaede looks to her only for Maki to look away. Kaede pulls Maki closer with her wing. It is a basic question, one she is sure Maki has asked herself a million times.

“Well, I don’t need it. I know.”

"What do you know?” 

Kaede watches as Maki purses her lips. “I know it’s not my fault.”

“Because?”

Maki’s gaze snaps to hers once more, and she narrows her eyes. Kaede only grins.

“What do you mean?”

“Why do you know it’s not your fault? What makes you certain?”

Maki takes a long, deep breath. “I wasn’t there at the time.”

“And?”

“You know this isn’t making me feel better.” Maki turns her head from Kaede. “Feeling helpless doesn’t feel good.”

“I know.” 

And she does. Maki looks at Kaede slowly. Maki feels like, with a statement like that, she should see bags under Kaede’s eyes, as Maki has. That she should be slouching like Maki is. That she should not literally _glow,_ but look tortured by this feeling she says she knows. But Maki knows it is the truth when she looks in her eyes, which stare at her with such a look she feels like she is falling right into them. There is a soft-hardness to them, in which she looks on Maki as gently as she can, and yet she has solidified her place as Maki’s guardian angel through the things she has seen and done for her. 

“But,” Kaede starts. “There is nothing to be gained from wishing yourself to have been at a place that you couldn’t, to save a life that was determined to lose itself in sacrifice for another. She only got to live the life she did because of you, you know.”

“I know,” Maki says, though it is hard to believe. She cannot believe it coming from her mouth.

Kaede tugs her into a hug. Maki cannot think of anything to do but hug her back. It is hard. It is hard to be enveloped in such warmth. Her body, so used to the cold, immediately rejects it and for a moment she feels like she is going to vomit again. She presses her cheek against Kaede’s shoulder. 

With a strangled gasp, memories of the chase come back to her, and Maki looks at her shoulder. Blood stains her shirt, dried and crusted over, but the skin beneath the hole in her shirt is smoothed over. Maki looks to Kaede. Kaede apologetically smiles.

“Ah, yeah… I healed it. Kind of against the um… guardian angel ‘rules’ I guess but since you already know I exist I kind of figured… I ‘unno, figured it would be better if I just dealt with that because, y’know...”

Maki looks at the spot uncomfortably, “You can just… do that?”

Kaede grimaces quickly, but tries to smooth her face over with a smile as if Maki hadn’t noticed, “Yeah!”

“You’re lying.”

Kaede does not look particularly surprised by the announcement but frowns anyway. Maki probes her with a glare, watching the other squirm under her gaze, before finally heaving a deep sigh. 

“Well, it’s against the rules for two reasons… One is that if someone were to wake up immediately the day after getting injured and to have the injury be completely healed, that would rouse a lot of suspicions and could lead to problems. The second is…”

Maki watches Kaede's eyes carefully. Kaede keeps her eyes carefully blank.

“The second is that if I use too much of my power at one time, I will be deemed an irresponsible guardian and fade out of existence.”

Maki shoves the other’s wing off herself, standing and glaring down at the other, overwhelmed with a kind of hatred she had not felt so intensely for… well, ever. She has never been this angry in her entire life. 

“ _Don’t_ do that _ever_ again.”

Kaede glares right on back, “You don’t get to just boss me around, you know. I can make my own decisions.”

“I don’t care,” Maki keeps her voice painfully even. “ _Don’t._ ”

“I thought you thought I was a hallucination anyway. Wouldn’t it be better if I were to disappear?”

Maki feels something inside her snap, but when she speaks, it hurts, and her voice is barely above a whisper.

“No… It wouldn’t.”

The anger in Kaede’s face vanishes, and the girl suddenly stands. Maki can’t stop herself from continuing.

“I can’t let you disappear.”

Maki isn’t ready to say why yet, so she doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading on!! this chapter big cringe cringe  
> i'm found on tumblr [@malmaratus](https://malmaratus.tumblr.com/)!


	6. Chapter 6

VI: [Stranded Lullaby](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOtTTkVuCwA)

And then she wakes up. She must have fallen asleep at some point because it is morning and she realizes Kaede is wrapped around her back like a koala. The other is humming something soft, pressing her fingers to Maki’s back as she plays out a song along Maki’s spine. Maki shoves her wing off herself and sits up, bathing herself in the cold city air.

The Holy Salvation Society has her on a train, sending her miles away. The timing is really quite convenient, considering their whole base had been compromised. Unable to talk to Kaede, with all of the people packed into the car, she has a lot of time to think. She thinks about the night before, and bites her lip. _How weak._ She has known Kaede for a while at this point, the only other person she had ever opened up to that easily had been…

_Well, I had to. It was one of her favors._

Maki chews on that thought for a moment. Kaede had only requested her second favor about a week ago, and suddenly last night it came into play. _Almost as if she knew it would._ Maki glances at Kaede. The girl is staring at the other passengers, wings fluffed and almost curled out as if to block others from Maki’s seat. She stands just beside it, eyes glazed as if the girl is lost in thought. Maybe it would make sense for her to know she was going to have that nightmare. Maki puts down another point for 'hallucination.’ She doesn’t really know what the tally is at. The tally probably doesn’t matter though if the other literally caught her mid-air… and healed a bullet wound.

Maki goes back to staring out the window. The last thing she wants is for Kaede to catch her staring at her. She’s still angry at her. Not nearly as much as before, because she knows she did not do enough to make herself disappear, since she is obviously still there. But she’s still at least a little bit angry.

The train empties and refills at its various stops. Maki thinks about Kaede some more.

It is simply all too tempting to think about Kaede－to have the ability to think about _anything_ else besides assassination. Having Kaede is like having a mental reprieve－which makes it all the weirder she could be a hallucination. Even weirder still that she’s still angry at her, but she _still_ manages to calm Maki down. Maki shakes her head. There really is no point in trying to sort out her feelings about Kaede right now, when they are so mixed it is hard to tell if she is even angry at all, or if she is just telling herself that.

But she still thinks about Kaede. Thinks about how her presence, close next to her, warms the side of her that’s closest to the winged girl. She thinks about how jarring it was to wake up next to her, and how soft her wings were against her arm. She thinks about the way she had caught her, arms wrapped tight enough to keep her from hitting the ground but so kind as to not press hard against her ribs. She thinks about how baffling that is and how the other was able to pull that off.

As it turns out, thinking about Kaede can absorb a hell of a lot of time. Before Maki really realizes, the train has come to a stop, and it is time she got off. Her legs are wobbly after the long ride and, frankly, that terrible run she had to force her legs through. Kaede’s hand is wrapped around her arm though, keeping her steady as she dazedly walks down the steps.

She does not have a whole lot of stuff on her－in fact none at all. When she shows up at the hotel empty handed, she gets a couple weird looks. She has rolled up her sleeve and exposed her pale upper arms in an attempt to conceal the blood-stained sleeve. She thinks it makes her look like a rebellious teen and hates it for more than just that.

But she manages to get a key, walks herself up to her room, and lets herself collapse onto the giant, king-sized bed waiting for her. She could definitely use a little shut-eye, but her body is certainly not going to let her, so she simply accepts her fate and lets herself rest her eyes, if nothing else.

“Hey, I’m going to try and steal some clothes for you,” Maki opens her eyes to see Kaede frowning out the window.

“Stealing? Is that not against some sort of guardian angel rule as well?” Maki forces the words out, and her voice is a little gravely. 

“Ah, it kind of is. Kind of not. We’re allowed to steal if like, you’ve lost something and misplaced it completely. But not exactly something from, y’know, a store but,” Kaede grins like she is trying to imitate a punk. “I’m already a pretty big rule breaker, so I might as well.”

Maki turns onto her side, “Okay, first off, never smile like that ever again.” Maki hears Kaede scoff in indignance. “Second off, as long as it’s not going to hurt you in any way, I would… appreciate new clothes.”

Maki can practically _feel_ Kaede grinning, even if she cannot see her face. It is like the entire room lights up and warms when the other is happy. Maki finds the feeling soothing, and her tense muscles relax as Kaede speaks again.

“Good! I’ll go get them and try to be as quick as possible. And Maki…” Kaede pauses, and Maki turns her head over her shoulder to look at her. “Don’t leave or do anything stupid please… I won’t be here to protect you, so…”

Maki rolls back over with a sarcastic, “Yes, ma’am.”

Kaede groans, affronted, “Ma’am, really? Don’t call me that, I’m the same age as you, that’s just weird, ugh-”

Maki chuckles to herself until Kaede is gone. It has become quiet and incredibly cold, so Maki sits herself up and adjusts the heater. It does not warm up nearly quick enough, so Maki resigns herself to taking a shower. She has taught herself to shower quickly, but the warm water does not really seep into skin so she will stay warmed after she gets out. Luckily, it really is a nice hotel, and they have a bath next to the shower.

Maki wraps herself up in a nice, fluffy, white robe as she waits for the bath to fill, hair dripping buckets onto the tile floor. Maki really is not one for baths, never really has been. She is not one for bubbles either. But she still pours in soap because she would feel a lot more comfortable if her body was covered. She does not assume Kaede will walk in on her or anything but…

Maki shakes her head and slips into the tub as it finishes filling, and lets herself close her eyes as the warm water wraps around her. 

Meanwhile Kaede is trying very, very hard to sneak clothing off a rack in the closest clothing store she could find. It’s impossibly difficult, because if someone were to see clothes floating around, that would not be so great for her. People do not exactly react the greatest to floating clothing, and that would reflect very badly on herself and her ability to exist.

She has picked out stuff that fits Maki’s color scheme, though it is not the kind of stuff she has worn before. No one really sells the stuff she normally wears, at least in this shop. Kaede pulls the clothes to her chest, almost as if trying to block it with her body and it takes her a moment to remember no, that is not how that works, and someone will definitely see it.

So Kaede tries to stay low to the ground. She moves the clothes from under one rack to another, avoiding the searching looks of the employees. She feels a little bad for stealing, but not bad enough to go back and not do it. Maki could not very well go out and get her own clothing with her old clothes in shambles and covered in blood stains. She was barely able to cover it up enough to get herself checked in.

She has a close call when someone comes to investigate the circular rack she has hidden the clothing under. She is certain it is an employee who will notice and take it all back to where it used to be and Kaede would have to start all over again and leave Maki waiting even longer. Luckily, they don’t, and Kaede is able to continue on her mission. Her last issue is getting the clothing out the door. She waits for a long time for the perfect circumstances: someone walking in while no one is looking.

When it finally happens, Kaede startles into action and runs the clothing out the opened door, narrowly dodging the person coming in. By the time she has gotten herself into a close alleyway, clothing hugged to her chest, her heart is beating like crazy, and she has to take a deep breath to calm herself.

Kaede makes her way up the fire escape, the one place she is certain people will _probably_ not be looking. She forces open the door from the outside, reaching in and disabling the alarm that would have rung when she opened it. She is on Maki’s floor, and moves quickly to her door and forces herself in there too, closing the door and finally, _finally_ collapsing against the back of the door, allowing herself to relax.

When Maki says nothing, Kaede forces one eye open and sees the other is no longer laying on the bed. The only other place she could really be is the bathroom, and has her thoughts confirmed by the light wedged under the door and spilling out towards her. 

Kaede rises to her feet, locking the door behind herself and walking up and knocking on the bathroom door. “Maki…?” When Maki doesn’t respond, Kaede knocks again. When she doesn’t respond _again,_ Kaede starts to panic, and opens the door without really thinking about it.

Kaede sighs when she sees Maki has just fallen asleep, and has half a mind to scold her for literally _falling asleep in the bathtub, as if that is not dangerous at all_ －but she’s glad Maki is getting any sleep at all. She folds the new clothing on the sink counter before making her way out, making sure to keep a close eye on the other to make sure she doesn’t slip under the bubbles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sry this ones a little late dkfjn at least im getting it out on wednesday  
> also kinda an.. in between sort of chapter but skdfn  
> chat with me [@malmaratus!](https://malmaratus.tumblr.com/)


	7. Chapter 7

VII: [Dangerous](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKRDTUwdVWg)

Maki gets a note underneath her door a few weeks later. Because of _course_ she does.

The note confirms that the Society is still functioning－that their deal with her is still ongoing－and that she has the same jobs to do that she _definitely_ hasn’t been avoiding like the plague. The note forces her hand though. She’s a little out of practice (Kaede has practically been _spoiling_ her) but she has a job to do and she will go through with it. She has to.

And with the Society laying so low within the past couple of weeks, it’s so painfully easy that it makes Maki uncomfortable. Of course, she is always uncomfortable _killing_ someone. But it feels extra weird when the targets are all sitting high and mighty as if they have already escaped the Society and have absolutely nothing to worry about. _Which, they shouldn’t have to in the first place._

_Ugh._

Blazing through her jobs isn’t the smartest thing to do, because now the news is clamoring to find the one who has been committing all the atrocities across the city. And her last job just happens to get in the way.

Shuichi Saihara, the prodigal junior detective. Supposedly, he refused the title of detective for himself, as well as generally refused to work with the police on cases unless he agreed to take the cases himself. Maki never really cared to learn the details of it, all she knew was that people had already tried to assassinate him, and failed _miserably._

Does Maki have complete faith in the other assassins she works with? No. But that does not make the prospect of the job any less intimidating. The kid doesn’t have anything crazy like a personal guard, he is just somehow unkillable.

But Maki brushes off any worries she might have. Despite everything, he is just another one of her jobs, and she will carry it through.

Unbeknownst to her at the time, however, ‘just carrying the job through’ was a lot easier said than done. Part of the kid’s difficult nature is that he is rather, well… plain. He covers his face with his hat, and can wiggle himself into crowds like he had never been out of the crowd in the first place and disappear seconds later. In line with that, he certainly understands how to keep to himself while simultaneously keeping people around himself at all times. When Maki approaches him, he pulls himself from whatever he was doing to go meet up at a friend’s house or talk with his uncle or something stupid. It was practically as if he knew she was hunting him.

Maki contemplates what to do about the boy as she sinks deeper and deeper into her bed, Kaede’s wing stretched across her middle. She had just recently learned that angels definitely did not have to sleep, but that Kaede apparently really liked to. She could never truly ‘fall asleep’ just because of the way ‘guardian angels are built’ (which she refused to elaborate on) but can still gain some of the benefits of sleep by resting.

So Kaede lays next to her, sleeping belly down, face turned towards Maki while she sleeps softly. Moonlight is filtering in through the curtains, and the room is dark beside Kaede’s golden glow. Of course, Maki can’t help but run a hand through Kaede’s hair. It is only natural to want to know what a supposed angel's hair felt like. And man, if that wasn’t the softest thing Maki had ever touched－

Kaede stirs and Maki takes her hand back immediately. She quickly shuts her eyes to pretend she is asleep, as if Kaede will not read directly through that. As she forces her muscles to relax, Kaede simply chuckles, runs her hand through Maki’s own hair, and pulls herself closer to Maki. Maki feels her pulse quicken.

_Fuck._

Maki’s not dumb. She knows exactly why she lets Kaede literally _cuddle_ her, why she feels the urge to run her hands through the other’s hair, why she doesn’t want her to disappear even if she _is_ a hallucination, which at this point is barely even a consideration for Maki, but she could never fully admit she believed the other was an angel, but－

Maki sighs. She knows. So she lets Kaede push herself into her heart. She knows it won’t be for long.

If people do not push themselves away from Maki, she will at some point. It is just natural at this point. _And frankly, fraternizing with the person you are supposed to be guarding is already against the rules. How much farther can this even go before Kaede fades away?_

Maki turns on her side and holds Kaede－the way she thinks she is supposed to. She has never held someone like this before. She tries anyway. Kaede doesn’t seem to be complaining, as she tightens her hold on Maki, digging her nose into the other’s shoulder and making herself tense. Laying here like this makes Maki realize just how long it has been since she has been this close to _anyone_ , physically and, she supposes, emotionally. Maki begs her muscles to relax as she tightens a hand around a fistful of her clothing, but it’s hard when Kaede is _right there_ and－

Maki grimaces. There is no way this does not turn out bad for both of them. Whatever _this_ is.

Maki holds on anyway.

She holds on until the next day. At this point, she knows Saihara’s schedule in and out and figures the best time to get to him is early, _early_ in the morning. So she is up even earlier, and she is out on the street before anyone else really is. Kaede floats behind her, seemingly drowsy. Maki hates to admit she looks cute like that, so she doesn’t.

Saihara is exactly where she expects him to be. He went to bed late, like he always does, woke up early like he always does, and is just beginning to put himself together because he has finally decided, _no, he will not be able to fall asleep, may as well get up now._ Maki slips soundlessly into the house, hiding in Saihara’s closet while she can hear him brushing his teeth in the other room. The kid’s uncle and his wife are out for the week beginning today, the perfect setup for Maki to pull this off.

“Please, Kiibo－no－there’s no way－”

Maki tenses, and Kaede, sitting beside her, phased into the kid’s shirts, makes her way out of the closet to investigate. _Kiibo…? There’s no one by that name; at least she has ever seen him interact with anyone by that name…_

_Is someone else here?_

Maki hears as the door opens, and footsteps approach the closet, Kaede quickly phasing in, as if she was about to be caught. 

“What are you even talking about, Kiibo?” the kid laughs and Maki tenses as she hears the doorknob start to turn. The second the door opens, Maki leaps out, colliding with legs and bringing the other down to the ground. The kid yelps and Maki slaps a hand over his mouth, flipping open her blade to finish the job when－

Something grabs her wrist. She tries her best to move her arm, but before she can, Saihara has shoved her off onto her belly, pressing his knee to her spine. Maki still cannot get control of her arm, so she uses the other to grab Saihara’s shirt, tugging him harshly off herself, but whatever is grabbing her pulls her backward before she can go any farther.

Maki finds Kaede’s eyes with her own, and Kaede springs into the action, crashing into whatever is holding her. She only gets a glimpse of an incredibly pale hand against her wrist before she is free, and dives for Saihara, who has backed away as far from her as possible－which happens to be up against the opposite wall. Maki props herself up into a crouching position, just to be on her feet so she can get closer to him than he can move from her, sitting flat down.

But she hears Kaede yelp, and suddenly hands are on her again, and Saihara comes forward to help hold her down. She struggles in every way she knows how to, but with two against one, and Kaede seemingly out of commission for a moment, she finds herself tied to a chair just moments later. With scotch tape. It’s actually a little bit sad. Saihara has disappeared to find duct tape, so instead of actual restraints, she is being held down by pale white hands, connected to the strangest looking person she has ever seen.

Or, guardian angel, as it may be.

Kaede is still hitting him and trying to get him off of her, but when Kaede hits the other, she can see the girl recoil and wince, as if her hand had hit something completely solid, and the other (Kiibo, she supposes) does not even flinch. When Maki tries to kick the other, it just phases right through him. It is unbelievably infuriating to be captured like this; she never has been before, and once she gets out, she is never going to let it happen again. It is frankly stupid how they managed to capture her.

Saihara returns with duct tape, shaking like a leaf, and stumbles with the tape when he meets Maki’s glare. Once Maki is more solidly confined, Kiibo retracts his hands as if she had burned him. Then Saihara is pushing Kiibo, and Kiibo startledly looks at the other.

“A-are you an idiot?” Saihara’s shaking hasn’t stopped, and Maki immediately groans when she realizes where this conversation is going. Kiibo’s hair, stock white, just barely whiter than his skin, almost seems to become jagged as he meets Saihara’s gaze. “That was way t-too much interference! You could have d-disappeared!"

“Well, logically you would have died had I not interfered at all, so-”

“Well, m-maybe, but-”

“Shuichi, that’s a trained assassin-”

Saihara just groans, burying his face into Kiibo’s shoulder, the latter wrapping his wings around the former. Maki clears her throat and Saihara startles back, as if he had completely forgotten she was there. “Do you two always bicker like this when you literally have someone tied up?”

“Right! Um, well normally we don’t really… tie people up… usually I um... call the police…” Saihara stutters through a sentence.

“And you haven’t?”

Saihara straightens up, “No.”

Maki looks to Kaede, and Kaede shrugs. Kaede looks… worse for wear. Not physically, Maki’s not sure it’s even possible for angels to be injured physically. But it looks like she is deep in thought, and her eyes betray just how frustrated she looks. Maki will have to talk to her about it if she gets out of this. _Not if, when._ Maki sighs internally.

“Well? Why?”

“Because of her,” Saihara points to Kaede. 

Maki’s eye twitches, “What about her?”

Saihara seems to squirm under her gaze, “U-um, well. Because you can see her. I’ve never met anyone else that can see their own guardian angel… And, well-” Saihara visibly hesitated, “Well I did my own research. I know the reasons one would be able to see their own guardian angel.”

Maki tenses at that, “What do you mean?”

Saihara takes a deep breath, glancing between her, Kaede, and Kiibo, “Well one of the reasons you might be able to see your own guardian angel is if you truly believe you have one. Because I researched it so deeply, I started believing it myself, and suddenly I could see Kiibo.

“There are other, smaller reasons that aren’t completely substantiated, but the other major reason is deep trauma.” Saihara grimaces, “I don’t mean to assume anything of you. And I definitely won’t ask. But it seems to me that if that is the reason you can see her－um…”

“Kaede Akamatsu.”

“Miss Akamatsu… If that is the reason, then I have reason to believe… er… I think that you don’t really want to be an assassin then.” It looks like Saihara is cringing back, waiting for Maki’s response.

“This is your reason for not calling the cops on me?”

Saihara groans, burying his face in his hands. A mumbled Yes? comes from between his fingers, and Kiibo awkwardly pats the other’s shoulder before picking up on the conversation. “We think, or Shuichi thinks, that we can help you out. Because he thinks that if you don’t want to be an assassin, you were probably forced to, somehow, and would rather not be one anymore.”

Saihara pulls his hat over his head, clearly embarrassed, “After being almost assassinated several times, I did some research into it as, like… a profession. I’m afraid what I think your situation is, is not so uncommon…”

Maki leans back, giving herself a moment to process it all. By now she has loosened her restraints; she could escape at any time. But she foolishly sits there and considers it. Having a star detective on her side means that they might have the smallest chance of getting the police involved enough with the Society to take it down entirely. But something like that, just like anything else, is way too good to be true.

“So you want to help me?” Maki starts.

“Yeah…?” Saihara says in such a tiny voice, Maki can barely hear it.

“Do you know how many people I’ve killed?”

Maki lets herself out of her restraints, watching both of the boys tense. When Kiibo takes a step forward, Kaede rushes in front of Maki, spreading her wings and fluffing them up as to block the other from Maki. Maki just puts a hand on Kaede’s shoulder, and the other glances back, concerned, before tucking her wings behind her back.

“Well?”

Saihara balls his hands into fists, “I mean, it’s not like it’s your _fault_ －”

“Does it matter if it is?” Maki sighs. “If I had killed you here… If I _do_ kill you here, would you be okay with that? Would you sympathize with me just because I was ‘forced’ to do it? Who is even to say I’m being forced? Whatever reason I have for believing I have to do this, does it matter enough to cancel out the horrible things I’ve done?”

“Well, why _do_ you think you’re being forced?”

“That’s not really an answer to my question.”

“Just,” Saihara sighs. “Humor me.”

Maki bites the inside of her mouth. She really hates telling her own sob story. It is natural to feel sympathetic to someone like her. But sympathy is not what she is asking for. Sympathy has never been something she wanted. 

“The orphanage I come from. If I didn’t become an assassin, they would have destroyed it. Happy?”

And there it is. She gets that look from everyone else in the room, including Kaede. Those upturned eyebrows, those little pouts. Saihara opens his mouth to say something, but Maki raises her hand to stop him.

“Save that thought. I’ve been a part of the Society for several years. I have killed several tens of innocent people. Maybe more, I literally can’t remember.”

Saihara snaps his mouth shut. Maki sits back down in the chair she had previously been taped to. Kaede leans down to Maki, worried eyes looking her over. “Even if we were to go along with whatever plan they’re hatching, the Society might start getting suspicious if the job is not carried through soon…” She whispers, fluffing her wings to block the boys from their conversation.

“Yeah. It doesn’t really matter what decision they make, I’ve already run out my time on this job,” Maki crosses her arms against her stomach, hoping to get rid of the horrible churning feeling that will not go away. Kaede hums sadly, brushing a stray hair from Maki’s face. Maki’s breath hitches.

Maki is not sure what comes over her. After saying everything she just had, everything about Kaede seems wrong. Maki is reminded of all the lives she has taken, of the children she has surely scarred, of the orphanage, of blood and poison and blades-

“How can you… how can you be so kind to a literal murderer-”

Kaede tenses up, and for a moment Maki catches a glimpse of an actually angry Kaede, “Are you kidding me?

“I’ve known you for my entire life up until this point; how could you even imagine I would think of you that way?”

Maki hesitates under her intense glowering, eyes sliding away from her purple ones to see Saihara and Kiibo looking at the girl owlishly.

“Hey, um, listen…” Saihara steps forward, and Kaede turns with a little ‘Humph!’ and moves to stand beside Maki’s chair. “I don’t think really either of those things matter, now that I think about it. If we were to help your situation, we would both be stopping you from assassinating people, and saving the orphanage from whatever danger ‘they’ put it in.”

Maki considers the idea. What he said is logical, of course. But at the same time it makes no sense. He is putting an awful lot of faith in someone like her.

Maki sighs, “If you’re not dead like, yesterday, they’re going to start thinking something is up, and come try to track me down so they can elicit a punishment.” Saihara winces at that. “As far as I’m concerned, they’ve got eyes everywhere and could know we’re having this discussion. Frankly, I don’t know how far their reach is.”

“Well…” Saihara twitches. “Other people have tried to kill me… what happened to them?”

Maki scoffs, “They weren’t killed because they couldn’t kill you. That’d be a waste of a perfectly fine assassin. You’re just weird.” Maki pauses, “I was sent out here for what was supposed to be a month. If I go back now, I’ll probably have to go back to…”

Kaede ‘huh’s, “The base is gone, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. We _can’t_ go back there. I don’t actually know where we’re stationed anymore,” Maki groans. “I’d be of no help to you in any case.”

“Not…” Saihara pauses. “Not necessarily.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cringe. cringe chapter kdfgjnh  
> discuss how cringe this chapter is with me on tumblr [@malmaratus](https://malmaratus.tumblr.com/)


	8. Chapter 8

VIII: [Life Letters](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bV4_9TBpGE)

Within a few hours, Saihara－or rather Shuichi, as he insisted－had hatched a very elaborate and very stupid plan. The only problem was that if they went through with the plan and it _failed_ , both Maki and the orphanage would be going down in flames, and nothing would have really been accomplished. Obviously, Maki was not in love with the idea, but she gave herself a few days to consider the plan. She would need to go back to base, or the new temporary base, anyway so she could report where it is _if_ she chooses to agree to the plan.

Inevitably, a new note slips under her door a few days later with a new address. Maki can admit she is a little sad to leave the little hotel room, but it is not exactly like she has a choice. She catches the first train that will take her over to the next city over, where the address leads her. Kaede has been unusually silent for the past few days, and it honestly worries Maki a little bit as she watches the girl sway with the motion of the train, looking practically anywhere but at Maki.

The new base is sloppily put together, at least within it. The building is wedged between two others, hidden in plain sight, she supposes. When she finally gets in and puts in her reports, she gets the equivalent of a slap on the wrist, which for the Society means an extra difficult training session. She feels like she is young again, throwing up over the floor and earning new bruises over old bruises, and somehow getting cuts from blunt attacks.

By the time she finds her room, she is exhausted. Kaede is waiting for her and tends to the small cuts with soft touches, and Maki just has to watch her as she works to make sure she is not disappearing on her. She’s still silent.

“Okay,” Maki starts, monotone. “What’s up?”

“What, with me?” Kaede’s hands falter against her back.

“Yeah. You’re being really quiet.”

“Oh…”

Kaede resumes her healing, feather-light touches sending shivers up Maki’s spine. Once Maki realizes the girl has stopped actually healing her and is just touching her back as if to pretend she is, Maki turns to face the other, leaning forward and resting her chin on her hands, elbows propped on her crossed legs. Kaede has her legs splayed out beside her, hands hovering in the air for a moment as she processes Maki has caught onto her before she folds them into her lap.

“I’ve just been… really bothered by the fact that you think of yourself as such a terrible person, ok? Bite me.”

Maki startles, “Really? I literally kill people for a living.”

“Well－yeah, but! You do so to protect the lives of the orphanage…”

“So suddenly it’s okay if I decide who lives or dies?”

“It’s not about that!” Kaede suddenly bites out. Maki can see tears beginning to pool in Kaede’s eyes and if she had a choice, she would rather throw this whole conversation out right now. “Murderers… murderers intend to kill because they have something to be gained… for revenge or for some other dumb reason… They don’t think about how terrible their actions are－or at least the thought doesn’t hold them back… But you were given an impossible choice… You have to either let the kids die or your victims, and you didn’t want to make that choice and you don’t want to kill people now, you just－”

Kaede sucks in a breath, “Morally, the _right_ answer when choosing between people who have to die, you choose yourself. But if you choose yourself, the kids at the orphanage still die. You really can’t do anything ‘right’ here… And life’s not fair or whatever but－”

Maki feels her heart break when the first tear rolls down Kaede’s cheek, and she is clutching the girl desperately to her chest before she can even process it. Although the other girl is taller than her, Maki pulls her all the way up onto her lap, and the other has to lean down to plant her face against Maki’s shoulder as her tears turn to sobs. For all the lives she thought about when she tore them apart, she had never really thought about Kaede’s own. 

“God, Maki… please… I love you too much to ever think of you as a murderer.”

_Love…?_

Maki supposes it makes sense. She… she likes Kaede too. And Kaede has known her her whole life. So certainly it would be understandable if she loved her. Right. Her heart pinches in her chest. Every night they had spent at the hotel, Kaede had cuddled up next to her. Maki knows what her feelings are, but maybe it's different for… for angels. 

Kaede hiccups, “Maki I can _sense_ your stupid brain rot.” She pulls away furiously scrubbing her eyes with the heels of her palms. When she pulls her hands away, her face is a mess, red blush spreading from the tips of her ears all the way across her nose. “I mean I _love_ love you.”

Kaede hides her face in her hands, before muttering out, “Romantically, if you need further clarification.”

Maki feels the need to hide her own face now; she can feel the way heat begins to radiate from her cheeks. She doesn’t, though, and instead grabs at one of her pigtails, running her hands against it. “I-um, yeah I… I um…”

A piece of paper slips under the door, and Maki abruptly stands. Kaede has a funny look on her face as Maki goes and picks the slip up, giving Kaede a nervous grin before slipping out of the room. Maki has an ASAP mission, so she runs out, grabs a weapon, and entirely dodges the situation. She doesn’t get to see how Kaede remains sitting on the floor for a few moments, breath stuck in her throat, before willing herself to her feet, forcing her emotions down and her face blank, and flies after her.

By the time Maki is done with the job completely and has completely cleaned up, it is practically midnight. Maki looks exhausted, but Kaede does not say a word as Maki walks through the city, further and further away from the base. They reach a heavily abandoned park, illuminated only by faint street lights that flicker when they walk by.

Maki is certain her heart is going to explode with the way it’s beating as she leads Kaede under a low hanging willow tree in the park, blocked off from any prying eyes. There’s a slight breeze that cools Maki’s flushed skin, and she could not be more thankful for it as she stops and turns to Kaede.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Kaede eyes the other warily.

“I love you too.”

Kaede looks taken aback, having to smooth her face out of its surprise, “O-oh…”

Maki flusters, “Sorry this is so sudden and weird and awkward and definitely not normal I mean all our circumstances are already pretty messed up, I mean most people don’t go straight for the word _love_ , but-”

Kaede giggles and Maki shuts herself up. She had never taken herself for much of a rambler. She never really does it, ever. But in this moment, things are very very different, with the way Kaede is looking at her like she made her the happiest girl in the world or something equally stupid, and that damn grin on her face is making Maki’s heart pound, so frankly she does not think a little embarrassed rambling is too off the mark.

Kaede wraps her arms around Maki’s torso, pulling her close until they’re completely flush against each other. Maki’s hands meet each other against the small of Kaede’s back, and the slight touch makes Kaede’s wings flick open and wrap completely around Maki. Maki rests her chin on Kaede’s shoulder.

“This isn’t against any guardian angel rules, is it?”

Maki feels more than she hears Kaede chuckle, “At this point, do rules even apply anymore?”

Maki hums, “Maybe not.”

A slow sigh escapes her lips. _This is a terrible idea. Confessing here. I’ll be walking a tight line to do Shuichi’s plan. Anything could happen, and frankly, the worst can and should be expected._ Maki buries her face in Kaede’s shoulder. _May as well enjoy this then, huh?_

A whispered question and answer dissipate between them, and Kaede’s lips are on hers’. Maki does not really have the vocabulary to describe the emotion she feels when Kaede turns her head to kiss her deeper. It’s nice. The breeze is starting to become a nuisance, her ankles growing colder by the second, but the delicate wings wrapped around her emit a warmth nothing else could even come close to simulating.

If Maki has learned anything from the old little romance novellas her old friend used to make her read, she is supposed to be losing herself to this moment and having all sense of time taken from her. Unfortunately, or maybe, fortunately, she was so anxious for this moment that every little bit of her is hyper-aware and hyper-sensitive, including to the kiss that she _knows_ lasts way too long.

Maki has to pull herself away from Kaede. The kind warmth between them is making her drowsier than she had been before, and she decides to get a move on back to base before she can fall any deeper into whatever the hell this is between them. 

But she certainly doesn’t stop Kaede from grabbing her hand on the way back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhh kind of a short chapter.. hope its not ooc or anything  
> as always, u can let me know [@malmaratus](https://malmaratus.tumblr.com/)  
> idk why i link it every time but. you know just in case you missed it dkfjgn
> 
> ALSO khdsbfsgjkhdfsgb i mostly picked the songs that go with each chapter based on vibes but i literally just looked up the translation for this song and im so kdfjgn it fits so well to makis pov im crying
> 
> also also just found out ao3 will put in < p > tags for me. ffs im a disaster today


	9. Chapter 9

IX: [Daydream in Blue](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhB6Lb7_kN8)

Shuichi Saihara hates a lot of things. He hates bright lights, loud noises, crowds, gossip, being on the news, being asked to be on the news, being a detective just in general-

But the thing Shuichi hates the most is being out of the loop.

It has been a solid week and he has not seen or heard from the girls at all. He knows at some point he has to give up－their plan had been so open-ended that the two could just _not_ come back at _all_ if they do not end up agreeing to the plan. But there is no way for him to know if they do or do not agree beside them coming back, which could be days, weeks, months even-

Shuichi sighs, burrowing his face deeper into his pillow. If he spends too much time overthinking it, he’ll end up staying in bed all day again. Like he did yesterday, And the day before that. Restlessly, he turns himself over, coming face to face with Kiibo, staring brightly at him and startling him.

“Jeez, Kiibo,” Shuichi groans, wiggling his arms around Kiibo’s waist. “Were you staring at the back of my head again?”

“No-!” Kiibo quickly tenses and then relaxes, and Shuichi presses closer to the other. “You know, in my past life, I used to be a robot. Now I don’t have to blink.”

Shuichi hums, “Is that also why your head is as hard as a rock?”

Kiibo gasps, offended, and goes off on a rant on how it wasn’t _his_ fault when their foreheads bumped the other day, and that Miss Akamatsu’s hand was just weak when she hit him, and, and-

Shuichi just rolls his eyes, digging his face further against the other’s sharp collarbone, waiting until he quiets and settles down before inevitably deciding to pull Shuichi out of bed so he can _eat something for once, jeez-_

Shuichi makes a quick call to his uncle as he cracks a few eggs into a pan, toast beginning to brown in his toaster. He has to watch it carefully because the thing is old and sometimes just toasts things longer than he told it to, no matter how many different settings he tries, which he has pointed out to his uncle multiple times, and does now as he chats idly with him, but his uncle insists he’ll fix it at some point because there’s absolutely no need to get a new toaster, even though they can afford it, and it has been broken and fixed ten times over, but what does Shuichi know, right?

Kiibo is trying, not wholly unsuccessfully, to be distracting as he tries to wrap up his conversation with his uncle by wrapping his arms around Shuichi and pulling at Shuichi’s arms with his wings, which he ends up having to bat away from the still-hot pan. Shuichi hangs up with a quick “love you, bye” and turns to push Kiibo off, who just giggles slightly, and makes Shuichi smile and press a kiss to his cheek. And then his lips. And so what if his eggs and toast are burnt? It is so worth pulling Kiibo close and slowly kissing him, pulling a high, surprised hum from the other.

Shuichi sits at the counter while he eats his breakfast, watching as Kiibo aggressively cleans the dishes. Shuichi mildly asks _Hey, if you used to be a robot, do you know how to fix the toaster?_ To which Kiibo, gently put, flips his lid and berates Shuichi with _Oh, so just because I used to be a robot I know how to fix a toaster? Do you know how to fix humans Shuichi? Is it just as simple as that? After all this time, Shuichi, I thought you knew better－toasters are complex beings, I can’t just fix a toaster, Shuichi, you know this-_ Shuichi grins warmly at the other.

He really only eggs the other on because he likes to listen to Kiibo speak, and the other knows this well. He can find a million ways to say the same exact thing and will say them all in one breath if only to get Shuichi to smile at him. Even though Shuichi met Kiibo relatively early on in his life, it was long enough that Kiibo felt so strongly towards the other that he would do _anything_ to make the other smile. Shuichi does not have a terribly tragic past but with all the pressure from solving that first case and becoming a some-what detective as well as the general neglect from his parents, on top of the depression and anxiety… it’s a lot.

With no schoolwork and no casework to be seen, Shuichi turns on whatever movie is playing on the sci-fi channel and collapses onto the couch. Kiibo, sitting on the end of the coach, bundles Shuichi up in his arms with an exaggerated sigh, bringing him onto his lap and wrapping him up in his wings like a blanket. Kiibo looks to the other as Shuichi settles against his chest with a tender smile, making him practically short circuit as heat spreads across his face at the scene.

Sci-fi isn’t really Shuichi’s favorite genre, but he likes turning them on because Kiibo will either love the movie and gush about it for the rest of the day or hate it and criticize it for the rest of the day. Both options are pretty preferable compared to the usual silence of the house, and he likes to push back at Kiibo’s criticisms and see how far the conversation can take them. He really just… loves to talk to and be around Kiibo.

He had really hated telling him, though.

If Shuichi has learned even one thing about Kiibo, it is just how painfully _oblivious_ the other is. Shuichi did not have to be a detective to figure out that Kiibo was in love with him. That had been a given; he practically checked every mark that went with the “oblivious dork in love” trope. He had been acting unendingly dopey around Shuichi and got incredibly embarrassed when Shuichi pointed it out. He went out of his way to do things for Shuichi, which is not totally out of the ordinary for a guardian angel, but it had been a _lot._ He had denied every claim that he had been hugging Shuichi tighter, longer, softer－when he totally had been.

And Shuichi had had it _just_ as bad. He had desperately wanted to express his feelings to Kiibo, but as confident as Shuichi felt in his deduction, he was so incredibly anxious that he wasn’t. Whenever the chance arose to tell the other, one tiny little voice in the back of his brain told him he was missing something, that he had looked over a piece of evidence that completely overturned everything else he had found. He has never been so confident and unconfident as he had been then.

But at some point, he figured enough was enough. He had been battling his feelings for over a month and he knew he _needed_ to say something. So when he woke up, he suddenly told Kiibo he needed to tell him something. To which Kiibo had started to freak out, wondering what exactly it was, how he could help him, had something escaped his notice, etcetera etcetera. Overrun with his own, and with Kiibo’s anxiety, he lamely tacked on an “I’ll tell you later...”

He tried multiple times that day. He could tell that what he wanted to say and was refusing to say was wearing on Kiibo if his antsiness was any judge. Kiibo would bring it up, or Shuichi would bring it up, and then he would suddenly decide against it, leaving Kiibo even more riled up. Eventually, Kiibo got impatient and then locked him in his own closet.

_“Kiibo, what are you doing?”_

_There is some shuffling beyond the door, “I’m exerting my divine power to lock you in your closet until you tell me what has been bothering you all day!”_

_Shuichi groans. It is one in the morning, he does not need this right now. But, if it has come to this, it really is now or never. It is now or it is… sleeping in the closet for the night. Or however long Kiibo decides to keep him locked up in here._

_“Okay, fine but…” Shuichi hesitates. He wants to say it to his face because that just feels right but being stuck in here is actually doing wonders for his anxiety because he knows he does not have to see Kiibo’s immediate reaction or anything and… Shuichi shakes his head, hesitates, then starts nervously gripping at his jacket sleeves. “But you have to come in here for me to tell you…”_

_Shuichi waits a few moments, hears a loud thunk against the door, and then Kiibo slides through it._

_“What was that?”_

_“I shoved a chair under the handle so you can’t open it while I’m in here,” Kiibo explains, deadpan._

_“You－okay, alright. Fine.” Shuichi covers his face with his hands. “Umm, what I’ve been meaning to say is that uh… “ Shuichi peaks at the other through his fingers and sees Kiibo leaning forward, waiting anxiously for his response. There is no judgment or anger in his expression, he just… wants to know._

_Shuichi takes a deep breath, opens his mouth, hesitates, and then takes another breath, “I like you. Like, a lot.”_

_Kiibo pauses. “Well yeah, I like you too Shuichi!”_

Shuichi had then proceeded to slam himself into the door.

“Oh, look at that,” Kiibo throws Shuichi out of his reverie, face scrunched against the light of the television. Shuichi realizes he has been staring for quite a while now and a good portion of the movie has passed. “What terrible design. How can you build a robot like that? All their parts are going to be chafing, and are inevitably going to wear down and cause irreparable damage.”

Shuichi can’t help but chuckle, and Kiibo meets his eyes, mouth open as if to start an argument about _what, you think I don’t know what I’m talking about?_ Instead, Kiibo stills as Shuichi runs a hand through his hair, unfairly soft despite its appearance. Kiibo pinkens, but still leans in to meet the many kisses Shuichi props himself up for, which turns into more until the movie is all but forgotten for a while. Kiibo is always tense when it comes to kisses, but Shuichi knows just how to coax him into relaxation, running his hands from the base of the other’s scalp down his neck and shoulder, rubbing circles on the other’s arm with his thumb.

One movie, which never really got watched, turns into several, half-watched movies. Lunch turns into a glorified snacking frenzy, which Kiibo berates him for, but he doesn’t exactly try to stop him either. By the time Shuichi is wondering if he should even make dinner at this point, he hears a loud, abrupt knocking on the door. He has to scramble to make himself at least semi-presentable and opens the door to a soaking wet assassin, drenched from the rain _(when had that started?)_ and looking quite like a disgruntled cat. Akamatsu stands behind her, wings covering the other as best as possible, which turns out to be not well.

Harukawa’s eye twitches, “Well, are we doing this or not?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fucking chapter sdfkjhgbnsjkhdlfgbnskjdfnk  
> we're quickly approaching the end... hoo boy


	10. Chapter 10

X: [Casualty](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTKc6Y7Vakw)

Maki is nowhere near as comfortable in Saihara’s clothing, even if they’re close to the same size, then she was in her drenched outfit, though maybe she is taking being dry for granted. She has taken a towel to her head, but with so much hair, it’s hard to actually get all of it dry enough to leave free. So as Saihara sits her down at his dining table, Kaede stands behind her, and Maki lets herself relax; Kaede's warmth begins to dry her hair, and her hands comb through it.

Saihara sits down anxiously across from her, “W-well?”

Kaede’s hands pause for one moment, and the next, she has lifted Maki’s suitcase onto the table. It had been covered in a cheap plastic bag to keep it dry, which she had nabbed on her way over as the rain had just been starting up. Evidently, Kaede has already gotten rid of it, and Maki pops open the case and slides it across the table at Saihara.

“I’ve got floor plans, schedules, all that stuff. The main problem is getting to the higher-ups, which can be pretty slippery. But they are most frequently at the base, since it is a temporary one, and they have to keep things in order. I’ve highlighted their most likely escape routes. I couldn’t get any pictures of them, and never will be able to, but I would know them if I saw them.” Maki rests her head in her hand, closing her eyes as Kaede begins to work through her hair smoothly and braid it slowly. 

Saihara almost seems to wheeze, “Wow, I－okay. This is pretty exhaustive.”

Maki hums, “I only have a few days out here before they start getting suspicious.”

“Oh, wow, okay, so we have to get moving, jeez okay-”

Maki tunes the other out as he begins nervously rattling off. After her trip, she is actually quite exhausted. She has not felt this tired in an incredibly long time. Kaede has started rubbing her shoulders, and it feels a lot better than she might have expected. She has never really thought about it before. Even so, Maki does not expect to doze off right then and there.

Maki startles awake in a small, _uncomfortably_ small, room. It is entirely dark, but Maki can see a faint glow beneath her, separated by bars. Maki gets down on her hands and knees, catching Kaede’s eyes through the bars. Kaede looks panicked for a moment, and at that moment Maki’s weight pushes her through the bars.

She watches as Kaede reaches out to her as if to catch her. But then she is landing face-first onto the cold ground. Maki rolls herself over and sees a white ceiling. Kaede has disappeared.

_Oh, so this is a dream._

Maki has never considered herself a lucid dreamer－or a dreamer at all. She mostly has nightmares, but that is beside the point. Maki turns all her attention to conjuring Kaede back. Her nose hurts. She’s pretty sure it has started to bleed.

But Kaede does not come back.

Maki rolls her eyes and pushes herself to a sitting position. She briefly holds her hand to her nose, pulling it back to see she does in fact have a nosebleed. She does not have anything to stop the bleeding, and Maki knows this is a dream, so she lets it bleed out as she walks down the long, white hall. Drops of blood speckle the ground, and she steps on them with her bare feet, letting them smear.

There isn’t a whole lot to find. There are doors that line the walls, but none of them really open up. Eventually, Maki grows tired of trying doors and attempts to force one open. It actually happens to open with ease. A frantic song flows out from the door, and Maki steps into the darker room, which ends up being much larger than she expects. There is a giant piano looming above her, and some sort of figure, attached by a string, is hitting the notes in this frantic rhythm. Maki can’t see what exactly it is playing the piano.

Maki startles, anxiety rising when her foot nudges something. She looks down as the piano grows louder and louder, pristine white wings left on the ground and muddied in a red pool. Maki bends down to touch the detached wings, shivering with how horrifyingly familiar they feel beneath her hands. The music comes to a sudden stop, and Maki looks up just as the piano cover slams down on the figure, and red splashes against her face and momentarily blinds her. 

Maki has to rub the liquid from her face, bloodying her hands in the process. It hits her just how quiet it is once the music has stopped. Everything has calmed. The only sounds present are of her clothes, rustling with her movements. Maki suddenly stands. She’s had enough of this room. Maki tries not to notice the bloody footsteps she leaves behind herself.

_What a dream._

Somehow, Maki is not awake yet, so she pushes open another door. It’s the exact same scene, but she almost thinks she can see the figure. She tries the next door. Rippled waves of a white dress become visible. She tries the next door. The girl’s face is still obscured. Maki stands in front of the next door.

Her hands seem redder. For a moment, she distracts herself by trying to dig the red out from underneath her nails. She doesn’t really care about having clean nails. She cares about the bad feeling the door is giving her. She has always told herself to trust her gut, but everyone knows who curiosity killed.

Maki shoves the door open. Pale blonde locks come into view, spilling out from under the piano cover. Blood is dropping down in waves, splattering the ground beneath. Maki forces the door shut, and the ground crumbles beneath her. Nausea successively hits her harder and harder as she falls, and Maki desperately tries to summon the ground beneath herself. 

She reaches out and she can feel a wall, but all that happens is that her hands leave a long, slick red mark along it as she continues to fall, and her hand begins to burn, and she pulls it back. Then Maki lands on something and hears a loud snapping sound from beneath her. Maki looks beneath her, where dull blonde hair is spilling out from under her legs. Maki suddenly stands and gets off the other, refusing to look at her.

Maki has had dreams like this. Dreams where she witnesses the death of the ones she loves. Despite how much she wants to ignore it, she knows it’s Kaede who she just stepped off of. She has only ever met two blonde people in her life, and she is certain it is not the other. Maki spares a small glance backward. The body is gone.

Maki wakes on a very unfamiliar couch. Or, rather, on a very familiar person. Gold glows from the body beneath her, and Maki raises her head to see Kaede’s sleeping face. She then turns her head to find a clock and is annoyed to find it is 5 in the morning. She has woken up earlier, but given how late she had been up the night before－or was it this morning? Maki groans, letting her head fall back onto Kaede’s stomach, who stirs.

Soon, there is a hand in her hair, and Maki looks back up to see concerned purple eyes.

“Did you have a nightmare?” The words are whispered, accompanied by a thumb running under her eye which happens to be slick with tears. Maki sits, wiping her eyes quickly, almost astonished the tears were there in the first place.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Kaede opens up her arms, and Maki lets herself fall back into them, feeling as soft wings wrapped around her back. She has the sudden urge to vomit. “Talk to me about it?”

Maki presses her face into Kaede’s stomach, “It’s not a big deal.”

“I’ll be the judge of that, yeah?” Kaede seems to be trying to sound intimidating.

Maki frowns, “I don’t remember it.”

Kaede sighs, “I know that’s not right. Just－what was it about?”

“You,” Maki bites out. She forces herself to lower her hackles, and says softer, “You.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah.”

“Did I die?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you know I can’t, right?”

“You also disappeared.”

“Well... I won’t.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. You know I don’t appreciate that kind of fluff nonsense.”

“Okay.”

Maki tenses as she feels tears coming on again and Kaede’s hands find her back, rubbing slow circles and designs across it. She thought she had been trained out of this nonsense. Numbness tries to take over her, but she can’t let it take over when she’s freely crying into Kaede’s dress. This is the very weakness she was trained out of. This is not the sort of thing she is _supposed_ to do. She knows the Maki Harukawa she is _supposed_ to be, and who she _was._

But evidently, she is not her anymore. That Maki Harukawa would not divulge all of the Society’s secrets to the nearest detective she could have and failed to assassinate. That Maki Harukawa would not fall in love, let alone with her own guardian angel, who should not even exist.

Who even is she anymore? 

Kaede gently lifts her face, and Maki lets her eyes flutter closed as Maki kisses up her face, where her tears had rolled down, before placing a soft kiss on each of her eyelids. If she can accept something so nice as this, she is someone different. Someone far, _far,_ different from who she is supposed to be. Or maybe she just never changed from the person she had started out as.

With a whispered “I’m here” from the other, Maki surges forward and kisses the other senseless. Kaede seems to start to tilt her head into the kiss, but Maki brings her hands to the other’s face and tilts her own head, sighing into the kiss. Kaede’s lips are smooth－Maki can’t even imagine how her own lips feel. Instead of trying, she lets their legs tangle together, and keeps kissing the other until she can feel herself growing drowsy from the immense warmth radiating off the other. 

Maki allows herself to part from the other, resting her head again as the other runs her fingers through her hair, over, and over, and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  
> aha hope yall liked this chapter


	11. Chapter 11

XI: [Run Run Rebel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9tkCquRCkg)

Maki insists she be part of the operation. It’s unprofessional, and by all means not generally allowed. She is some random teenage girl, and even if they told the police that she was the one who had handed out the information because she herself was an assassin within the Society, she still would not be allowed to help. She would probably be locked up. Most definitely. Which is exactly why they absolutely do not tell them about her and absolutely do sneak her into the operation without their knowledge.

Maki wants to be in on it because she has a feeling she can catch the head of the Society. The top of the top is really a board of men who are the ones who hand out the assignments, but there is general consensus that he is the one on top of them all. He is the only one Maki knows the appearance of－the one that took her into the Society. So she makes sure she will be in the building before the police arrive－hopefully to catch him out before everyone else gets alerted.

Preparations for the raid go by in a blur. They have to act quickly before word gets out that the police know where the compound is. It is rushed and it is messy, but it is a plan that should get them through alright. Floorplans go a hell of a long way towards a successful operation as it turns out because there are lots of very hidden escape routes that the Society likes to make that are impossible to find unless one knows where to look.

Maki spends the night before the operation restlessly. Kaede tries to soothe her, but the other’s words wash right over her, in one ear and out the other. Maki feels bad, she really does, but she can not make her eyes or her mind focus in those moments when the sun is setting, becoming a small sliver along the skyline and vanishing before she can even blink.

At the very least, she is not alone. Saihara has been pacing non-stop in the other room. She can tell he’s trying to be quiet, but Maki can hear him all the same. She belatedly realizes how weird it is she can hear and process that, but can not for the life of her catch onto one word Kaede speaks. Maki shakes her head in an attempt to clear the fog.

“Hey, Maki…”

“...Yeah?”

Kaede hums, “I don’t actually know what to say. I was just hoping you’d respond.”

Maki rolls her eyes, “Can’t you see I’m trying to sleep?”

“I can see you’re trying to do _something._ ”

Maki sighs, and resigns herself to a sleepless night. So instead of laying around and waiting for sleep that never comes, she sits up and kisses Kaede. Kaede seems to hesitate under her touch but kisses back nonetheless. Maki idly wonders why. Then Kaede pushes her off, tilts her head almost curiously, then presses the back of her hand to Maki’s forehead. Maki is fine one moment, out like a light the next.

_Trouble trickles down,  
Secrets screaming out_

Maki is relieved to find that all seems normal when she walks back into the base. It is late, but not quite late enough for the raid to start. The sun has definitely set, and the entire building is quiet. For the first time in a long time, Maki feels like an imposter in a place that is meant to be her home. Her hands start to shake, and she balls them into fists in the hopes to stop it. She can not be seen shaking like a leaf.

She tries to make herself as inconspicuous as possible, even though she is not heading straight for her room like she is supposed to. She is hoping to find the man before the raid even starts so if he tries to make a run for it, Maki can catch him before he gets the chance to escape. As long as he is still up and running, the Society will be too.

Maki slips silently into a side room. It is a room she knows she is not supposed to be in, exactly the sort of room that would catch the attention of the higher-ups if someone like her was to enter. Maki flips on a light almost boredly. The room is filled to the brim with files on files on files of people－in the Society and out. Maki pulls out a drawer, idly flipping through the pages. Maki finds her own case file in her wandering; well, she specifically looks for the file, curious of what might be in it. She has no real purpose to be in the room other than to garner attention.

There is not any particularly surprising information on herself. Within her folder, however, she finds smaller, thinner folders, with kids from her orphanage. Maki tenses. _This really is not the sort of thing I should be looking through right before the raid._

Maki flips open the file.

_It’s buried in the ground  
It’s meant to come out_

It does not come as a huge shocker to her to find the information she does on her friend’s file. It makes sense that the Society would try to set up something to kill her when Maki is not around. They knew she would be going back to the orphanage after she completed her training－it only makes sense then to snuff out any hope or joy she ever had in her life. It is not like they do not know Maki. They knew she would continue being an assassin for the sake of the rest of the children. They _knew_ that would not tip her over the edge－not in that way at least.

The door opens behind her with a soft click. Maki gently wraps the files back up and puts them back in their respective place. Maki checks her watch and turns, meeting his gaze. He does not say a word, so Maki does not either. He has no distinctive features Maki can describe, all the more perfect for someone like him. Everything about him infuriates her. That last piece of Maki falls and shatters.

_Venom in your veins  
Always finds a way_

She knew it was a horrible idea to check that file. Even if the information was not shocking, seeing his dumb face before her made her blood alight. The last thing she needs to do right now is cause a scene before the raid officially starts, but her fingers are itching for his throat. This is the first time in a long time she has seen him－in fact, it is the second time she has ever seen him. He is blank, just as she tried to make him.

He clears his throat.

Maki jumps for him.

_It’s the price you pay  
When you play_

There is a gun trained on her in a moment’s notice, and Maki leaps out of the way the best she can. The bullet grazes her shoulder, and Maki takes the hit in stride as the bullet _dings_ off the metal wall. Maki meets the gaze of the gun’s dark pupil, rolling away as a finger tightens around the trigger once more. He is not dumb, he keeps his distance from Maki as much as she tries to close it. He has only a small gun in his hand, though; he has to run out of bullets at some point.

Blood roars in Maki’s ears as a bullet lodges itself in Maki’s kevlar vest. At such close range, she can feel the bullet pierce the vest and dig into her chest. She figures it should hurt, but she figures a lot of things in that moment. She figures she should be hearing the sound of the gunshots, and not just her heartbeat. She figures the smell of blood should be greeting her by now. She figures time should not move so slowly that she can see each bullet release.

Maki kicks a chair at him. He jumps out of the way and onto a table, lining up a shot to Maki’s head.

And he shoots.

_(With the pain)_

Something burns in Maki’s throat as the bullet takes to her right ear. She has gotten under the table he stands on before she has realized it is her own, screaming voice that burns. Maki puts her palms to the underside of the table and pushes, letting it topple over on top of him. As Maki goes to stab him through the table, as genius an idea it is, the table comes up to greet her, the force surprising her and making her tumble over. The table gains a bullet hole as pain pierces Maki’s stomach.

Maki throws the table off herself. Her lungs have started to burn, and yet it has only been a few moments. It can’t be helped, she is starting to spill more blood than she would have preferred. Maki wonders when exactly the alarms had started going off; he is running and her brain can finally process everything else around her, if only for a moment.

Maki takes off after him.

_Run, run rebel  
Running with the devil  
Ooh, ooh, coming for you_

Maki’s arm is not moving exactly how she wants it to. It doesn’t hurt, not yet. She throws a knife at his back, hears him snarl as it hits and he falls to the ground. Maki pulls another blade from her belt, ready to jump on him with a better aimed strike, when her vision goes dark. Her brain catches up with her body and she screams against the burning fire in her eye, forcing her eyelids open even if she can only see out of one of them. He is still before her, and her good eye meets that of the gun’s.

Maki shoves the gun aside with the back of her hand. The blade comes down and chips against the ground. He begins to run again. Maki scrambles to her feet, pain shooting from the wound in her stomach, and she gasps, collapsing to the ground. The gun is pointed at her once more.

_Run, run, run, run  
Run, run, run, run rebel  
Run rebel_

Maki suddenly bursts from the ground, grabbing at his legs and bringing him down just as he turns to run. In the sloppy attack, Maki has sliced herself; she does it again as she brings the blade to his neck. Her own blood is dripping from her eye onto his face, and Maki forces the blade down before she has to see that image anymore.

As if her wrists were bound in twine, she stops just above his throat. He uses that moment to bury the gun into her side. Maki tenses for a shot that never comes. 

_Click._

Maki steps on the wrist holding the gun and watches the man wince. A pale hand settles on his forehead, and Maki startles to see Kiibo standing before her. Meeting his gaze, everything catches up to Maki. She can hear again, and what she hears is footsteps headed down the hall toward her. Maki jumps to her feet, slinging the now unconscious man onto her back, and runs as bullets chase her down the hall.

_The tremor, the tremble  
The dust that never settles_

Maki can feel again, and she can feel her entire body burning. Her eye is swelling and throbbing and bleeding out, and beside the rest of her wounds that feel like they are slowly seeping away at her as if they contained poison, her head is pounding like crazy. A bullet gets lodged in Maki’s calf.

_But I’m a waiting pistol  
Hungry for skin on metal_

Maki collapses. It is all she can do. She listens to the footsteps approaching her. His body covers her like a terrible shield.

_Run, run rebel  
Running with the devil  
Ooh, ooh, coming for you_

Maki closes her eyes to the sound of footsteps all around her.

* * *

_Run, run, run, run  
Run, run, run, run rebel  
Run rebel_

Kaede searches all over the base for Maki. She hates the idea of being separate from her for even a second, but in a situation like this, she feels like she is going to vomit. She probably would if she could. She and Kiibo split up to search for the girl. They had to stay back to assist the beginning of the raid－working with other guardians was something certainly new to Kaede, but because of her assistance, they were able to catch many of the most important people Maki had mentioned.

Kaede tries to use her eyes, but she is much too panicked to focus.

_But I’m a waiting pistol_

Kaede knows the base at least as well as Maki does－she tries around for where Maki was supposed to be, for where she could have gone, but she must be getting turned around because all she can find is blood smeared along the ground and splattered against the wall. She can see so much of it is Maki’s.

_But I’m a waiting pistol  
(With the pain)_

Kaede begins to call out to the girl as if that would do anything. With this much blood, most people would have already passed out, She knows that Maki is not like just anyone, but the red is starting to get stained in her mind and it is making her a mess.

_But I’m a waiting pistol  
(With the pain)_

Kaede turns a corner to a bloodbath, armed forces fighting with trained assassins. But within that mess, Kaede can see Maki. Her clothing is dark and damp with blood. Kaede uses her power to urge one of the men fighting to carry her outside the fight, having to do it over and over again to be any level of success with the way her hands and voice are shaking. The man places her in the next hallway, marginally clearer.

_But I’m a waiting pistol  
Hungry for skin on metal_

Kaede bundles Maki up in her arms, her eyes blurring as a wretched sob wrenches its way out of her throat. In a daze, Kaede has taken to her feet, and ignores the piercing feeling she feels as eyes turn to what would be Maki’s floating body. It hurts. Kaede rushes out of the building, away from their eyes.

_Run, run rebel  
Running with the devil  
Ooh, ooh, coming for you_

Kaede runs until she feels put together again, until she feels like her own disappearance won’t make Maki drop to the ground. Maki coughs as Kaede runs, and Kaede tries to use her power to sooth Maki back to sleep, but she really is shaking. She can’t stop shaking. Maki blinks her eye open (her eye!), sees Kaede, and sudden panic causes her to squirm in Kaede’s arms. Such movement rips a scream from her, and blood spills over Kaede’s arms.

“Don’t! Don’t move!”

Kaede puts Maki down in a small alley. She looks across the way and can see the building has lit on fire. Kaede looks to Maki.

Maki coughs, and blood spills from her lips. “Don’t－Don’t you dare－”

Kaede puts her palm to Maki’s forehead.

_Run, run, run, run rebel_

She grabs Kaede’s wrists, “Kaede, you’ll－” She hacks, “You’ll di-sappear－”

Kaede swirls deeper and deeper into panic as Maki seems to fade before her, skin growing paler and paler by the moment. 

“You- I…!” Kaede sucks in a sharp breath. “Favor number three!”

Maki stares up at her with her eyebrows drawn. 

“For my third favor! You must-!” Kaede sucks back a sob, “You must let me tend to all your wounds!”

Maki’s head rolls to the side as she coughs, grip weakening against Kaede’s wrists. Kaede takes the opportunity to snatch her hands back and roll up Maki’s shirt, pressing her hand to the wound as it begins to glow and ebb. Maki only begins to cough harder, violently shaking against her hand as the bullet in her stomach slowly extracts itself. Maki soon passes out, though her body still responds to her treatment like it wholly rejects it. Kaede only presses on, running her middle finger back and forth across the wound to stitch it together. She pulls the web taut and Maki shudders, a low groan spilling from her lips as Kaede finishes the stitching.

Kaede can feel herself going as she presses a hand to Maki’s eye. 

Kaede presses on.


	12. Chapter 12

XII: [The Mind Electric](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vfZjdK8Ktw)

Maki finds herself in a swirling pool of golden blood. Maki sits up and finds her body had been propped up by Kaede’s fading form. Maki sucks in a sharp breath, grabbing the other girl’s shoulders and pulling her up.

“Kaede, you-”

“Yeah.”

Maki pauses for a moment. Unpleasant heat rushes to her face as she feels her lips quiver, and then she’s crying, tears mixing in gold. Hiccups wrack her body as Maki tries to bring a sentence to her lips.

“You’re going to disappear."

“Yeah.”

Maki brings Kaede’s face to hers for one last kiss, but Kaede is gone. Maki’s throat constricts, and suddenly she can’t breathe at all. Her lungs are tight, and all at once, she can feel her hands at her throat, clawing and squeezing.

“Maki!”

Maki’s hands are wrenched away from her, and Maki startles awake to Kaede’s face. She is pale and translucent. Maki can feel real, tangible scratches against her throat, and ignores it in favor of pulling the other into her arms. 

“You’re fucking crazy! You could have disappeared!”

Kaede pushes herself off Maki, “I’m _sorry?_ You almost died, if _I_ hadn’t been there, you would have!”

Maki groans, “I don’t care if I die－”

“Well, I do! It’s not all about you, ok?” Kaede shakes her head. “Unbelievable.”

Maki’s eyes open to the bright and blinding light of the sun, shining down in the alleyway. Kaede is opaque, and she is draped across Maki like a blanket.

Maki awakes with a gasp and finds she is sitting in a plush, white chair. Kaede is sitting beside her.

“Where are we?”

Kaede turns to her with scorn, “Purgatory.”

Maki buries her face in her hands.

Maki awakes only to be greeted with Kaede’s head falling from the closed cover of a bloody piano. Blonde hair turns white and fragile, and purple eyes stare up at her. Maki stares back.

Maki is tied to a chair. She opens her eyes to his face looking down on her, unapproving. She is in some sort of basement-like room; there are no windows, no doors, just a rickety old wooden staircase leading up to somewhere. Maki glares at him.

Kaede is passed out on the ground. She has been entirely wrapped in rope. Maki tries for the usual blades she hides on her person so she can escape from her chair, but finds none are present.

He has it. He’s holding her blade. She has no blades that are particularly special to her but she knows it's hers. She can almost feel its weight in her hand, the ghost of the cold metal on her skin comforting. He steps forward, anger clouding his face.

Maki opens her eyes. Before her is something… something nondescript. There are shapes fighting each other in a small wooden frame, streaks of white going across the frame. Maki steps to the side and sees it's a mirror. She looks back in the mirror, at the disgusting shapes of red, black and white, of her pale skin morphed into a long oblong shape before her, cut by simple squares and triangles of red. Black surrounds her, only parted by the thick white stripes of light that go across the mirror. Maki tries to speak, but she opens her mouth and only static comes out.

_See how the brain plays around  
When you fall inside a hole you couldn’t see_

Maki gasps and forces her eyes open, but she can’t see anything around her. Pitch black surrounds her, and it feels like she’s falling from some great height. Her back slams into something as hard as concrete, and Maki screams as she begins to sink, her entire body paralyzed. All she can do is scream out and hope for someone to hear her before the liquid consumes her.

What was once black fades and Maki can taste the iron before she can see the red. She breathes it in and she swears she has tasted it before. It makes her sick to her stomach but she takes in the red liquid in short, gagging gasps. A soft glow illuminates the color until it’s bright, and a face comes before her. Blonde hair dyed strawberry pink flows toward her, brushes against her cheek. Maki stares at Kaede in awe. Her wings are gone, her eyes are black, and she has something like a fish tail where her legs should be. She swims in blood as if she was born to do so.

Kaede gives her a saccharine smile, and her skin begins to drip off her face. Maki reaches out to her, holds her cheek as kindly as she can, but her hand begins to melt right along with her face. Maki kisses the other and it burns so hot she has to pull away. Pink lips drip down a melting chin, a lit wax candle time-lapsed to burn up in moments. Gold spills onto Maki’s fingertips.

_When you fall inside a hole inside of－  
Someone help me understand what’s going on inside my mind._

Maki wakes up. She refuses to open her eyes. She is just… _so_ tired. Her body aches.

Maki keeps her eyes closed as she feels her head softly lifted. Bandages unwrap from her head and remind her she has a pounding headache. Something wipes at her eye, shaking and uncertain. Whatever it is, it stings, and Maki winces against it. Soon enough, something soft is pressed to her eye, and then the bandages go right back around her head. Maki hears gentle humming as her ear is treated, then the rest of her wounds. Then a soft, light dress is slipped over her head, and she is gently put back into a lying position. Maki peels an eye open.

Kaede is standing before her, not seeming to notice Maki is awake. She takes in her surroundings slowly; she must be in Shuichi’s room. Weird.

Kaede is translucent. Maki reaches out with a wince, and her fingers travel through Kaede’s arm. Kaede spins at the “contact,” seeming to hold her breath as she meets Maki’s gaze. Her eyes then travel to Maki’s outstretched hand, and she releases the breath in a small sigh. 

“Oh－oh, I’m sorry, I-I can’t exactly control how well I physically contact things anymore-” Kaede struggles for a moment, her hand phasing through Maki’s several times before _finally_ making contact. Maki’s face hurts when she tries to smile, so she doesn’t. She doesn’t trust her voice either, her throat hurts like hell, so she just meets Kaede’s gaze.

“Here, let me… Let me throw away these old bandages, okay?”

Maki nods and watches as Kaede rushes out of the room, her dress a flurry of folds behind her. Maki lets her hand fall back to her side and closes her eye against the bright ceiling light. In the span of Kaede’s absence, both Shuichi and Kiibo manage to sneak their way into the room and wish her well. Shuichi discusses the end of the raid, that they were able to catch all of the men, that they barely even knew she had been there. Maki dazedly wonders what reality she must be living in for such a plan to have gone through successfully.

Kaede returns with a plate of mushy food. She probably explains to Maki what it all is, but her ears began to ring when Kiibo walked in, so she can’t exactly process her words well. Kaede struggles to feed her small spoonfuls of the stuff, but Maki patiently waits for her to get a grasp on the process.

“I hope, um,” Kaede starts. “This isn’t too horrible for you. Had I gone any further in healing you, I would have disappeared...” Maki hums. Kaede’s hand shakily holds the spoon to her, “And, well, Kiibo sort of tackled me before I could continue. I would have kept going had he not….”

Kaede trails off and continues to feed her until Maki gently waves at her. She hasn’t the stomach to hold even the blandest of food right now. Kaede offers a glass of water to her, and she drinks slowly. Maki purses her lips as Kaede takes it back.

“I’m fine-” Maki coughs, regrets it as pain shoots through her body, and Kaede presses a hand to her throat making the coughing stop. Maki shoots a glare at the other. “ _I’ll_ heal, will you?”

Kaede sits in a chair beside Maki and balls her fists up in her lap. “I mean, _no-_ ”

Maki sees a flash of red in her eyes, dripping from beneath a piano cover.

“But neither will you, really.”

Maki cocks her head.

“Your left eye will always be blind.”

Maki deadpans, “I got _shot_ in the eye.”

Kaede huffs, “Yeah, okay, obviously that wouldn’t _normally_ heal but I _could_ have healed it is the point, but now I _can’t._ ”

Maki lets her head lean back into the pillow, “Well, having two eyes is overrated anyway.”

Maki watches with amusement as Kaede’s face twists into a grin, and then unfolds as if she didn’t want Maki to see her smile, “Yeah, just like being physical is overrated.”

“Of course.”

Kaede sighs, “I’m supposed to be mad at you, you know.”

Maki snorts, “For carrying out the plan as… planned?”

Kaede’s face burns pink, “Y-yes! I’m furious!”

Maki giggles, and then Kaede is laughing under her breath too, and Maki would laugh harder like Kaede begins to, but she is certain her body would collapse if she did, so she forces herself to stop. Kaede’s laughter slows when she sees Maki wince, and she folds her arms on the bed, laying her face down on top of them.

“I’m more so mad at them…” Kaede murmurs. “I’m just glad we will never have to do that again.”

“Don’t jinx it, Kaede.”

Kaede just groans and Maki smiles. 

“You’re so stupid sometimes.”

“Ah well, at least I’m still alive, all thanks to you.”

Kaede turns her head to look at Maki. Maki just smiles at her, reaching a hand out to the other. Her hand phases through Kaede’s face and Kaede’s eyebrows furrow as she concentrates, and Maki’s hand then makes contact with her cheek. 

“Oi,” Maki sighs, “You have to come _here._ ”

Kaede grins ruefully, scooting her chair closer until she can lean over and press her lips to Maki’s. Her lips are chapped; Maki wasn’t even sure if that could happen to a guardian angel. Though regarding everything that happened…. Maki winces at just the thought, and her hand drops from Kaede’s face. Kaede’s face then phases through Maki’s and Kaede stands, knocking back the chair with an embarrassed flush to her cheeks.

She groans, “Ugh, you’re welcome for saving your ass－if that keeps happening, which I know it _will,_ I swear I’m going to lose my mind.”

Maki smiles. “Thank you, Kaede.”

Maki watches as tears well up in Kaede’s eyes.

_Doctor, I can’t tell if I’m not me._

* * *

[[Introduction to the Snow]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkU5JYX-bIc)

It takes months for Maki to recover. As soon as she can functionally stand, she ditches Shuichi’s home. She’s friends with the other at this point, they’ve gotten well acquainted in the time Maki had been recovering at his house, but his uncle would be coming back and there is only so much time she can spend around the loudest and quietest people in the world when all she wants to do is recover.

So she takes the first ticket she can get back to her hometown. She has to limp herself back to the orphanage, but as soon as she gets on the right block, children are swarming around her and taking her hands, pushing her down into the old, cheap wheelchair the orphanage has had since before she even arrived there, and steering her into the building.

The same old matron is there, and Maki’s heart clenches as tears fall from the woman’s face and she waddles her way over to Maki, gathering her shoulders up for a brief hug. Some of the kids she used to be there with are still there, though they tell her they stay more as a job than anything－instead of moving out, they decided to stay and help out.

The kids who are new seem to know her, the matron having told them about her after the entire raid blew over. Of course, their story was much different from what was real, and the woman let her in on the story she had told the children. It was some sort of crazy princesses’ tale where the prince never came but Maki made herself her own savior. Maki likes the ring of it－though only she knows the real truth. Maki meets Kaede’s eyes and grins. Kaede grins back.

She spends her recovering days baking for the kids and playing the few games she can. The older kids, the ones that know her (she can’t even really call them kids anymore) insist she buys a ‘hella sick’ eyepatch, and Maki says she’ll look into it. She is greeted with screams of approval when said eyepatch finally arrives and she wears it as she starts breakfast for the children for the morning. 

The orphanage has expanded while she has been gone. The room that was once her’s and her friends, among a bunch of other girls, has been left unused in honor of Maki－returning to the room is strange. It is just a normal-sized room. To think she and eleven other girls were crammed in it is insane to her standing in it now. Maki takes some time to clean it up, displaying old memorabilia of her friend’s and her’s along the walls.

Maki spends her nights laying in an old bed with new covers, searching for a part of Kaede she can actually physically touch－her hands, arms, neck, face－and collapses into the other girl when she finds it. Things aren’t perfect. In fact, sleep isn’t really a thing at all. If it is, on one or two off nights, it doesn’t last long. She always worries she will wake up and Kaede will just be… gone.

But Maki can always wake up again, find Kaede beside her, and try for kisses until they finally connect and stay that way for hours to ward off the demons. And eventually, they will both recover. It will always be a little strange. The matron will always worry over the glances Maki gives to ‘nothing.’ 

But Maki is fine with that. 

For once she feels like she is in a place that is a home. The orphanage had been a house to her once, but never a home until now. She knows she could spend the rest of her life there and be content. She has experienced enough to last her several lifetimes. Here, she is herself. She is not an assassin, but she is herself. And Kaede is herself.

And if they’re both there－there _enough_ －and that’s fine.

Maki can live with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a cheesy end to this whole thing but i hope you liked it!! 🥺👉👈  
> thank you, everyone, so much for reading all this way. i appreciate it so much!!  
> you can find me [@malmaratus](https://malmaratus.tumblr.com/) on tumblr :')


End file.
